I didn’t think anybody in real life was obsessed with the Kardashians, but if it’s going to be anybody, it’s definitely going to be Deirdre.
“And Aisling—”
“Let me guess.” I interrupt. “She wants to be a makeup artist and she watchesLove Islandreligiously.”
When I look up at Hani, she’s rolling her eyes. “Well, who doesn’t watchLove Islandreligiously?” she mumbles under her breath, before quickly adding, “You’re being very dismissive and judgmental, you know. I’m trying to keep our deal intact.”
“Right. Our deal.” I sit up and take a deep breath. “So … Aisling …”
“She loves … royals.”
“What?”
“She just loves … monarchies and royals. Like she talked about the royal wedding for, like, months, sometimes she still does. And she had theories about Prince Harry’s baby before journalists even started reporting on it. She’s obsessed. You can’t get her to shut up about it.”
“Has anybody told Aisling that she’s Irish?” Somehow her interests are worse than I could have imagined them to be. Way, way worse.
Hani elbows me again. “Just because she’s Irish doesn’t mean she can’t be obsessed with the monarchy.”
“Yeah, but the British monarchy? The people who colonized Ireland and basically all of the world? Seven hundred years of oppression? The famine?”
“You definitely shouldn’t say any of that to Aisling,” Hani says.
“Can I at least talk about the racist British media attacking Meghan Markle?” I ask.
“I would keep it to lighthearted topics only,” Hani advises. “I don’t want you to get into a fight.”
“Good call, I guess,” I mumble. I can imagine getting into an argument with Aisling far too easily. Actually, it’s going to be a real struggle to not get into an argument with her. “Anything else?”
“Well … Aisling and Dee are both obsessed withRiver dale,” Hani says slowly. “I guess they both have huge crushes on KJ Apa and … Cole Sprouse.” She shrugs, like she doesn’t get the appeal.
“And who do you have a crush on?” I ask. She turns her head toward me a little too fast, a blush rising up her cheek.
“Um, n-no one,” she says too quickly.
I narrow my eyes. “Isn’t that the show where everybody is apparently ridiculously attractive? You don’t have a crush on anyone from there?”
Hani lets out a nervous laugh. “Oh, um … well. I haven’t actually watched it. I watched one episode and that was it.” She shrugs. “Have you watched it? Because that could be the easiest topic, you know. There’s no chance of veering off into talking about how much you hate the British monarchy.”
“I’m sure I could find a way,” I say.
Hani smiles fondly, holding my gaze a little longer than necessary. “I’m sure you could …”
“I haven’t watched it, though.” I break off our eye contact and shake my head. “I don’t know if I can sit through that. There’s just too many white people.”
Hani laughs. “Well, I’ll watch it with you if you want. We … can decide who our crushes are amongst all the apparently attractive people?”
Unfortunately, I already know who mine is. But all I do is shrug and say, “Sure. Why not?”
chapter twenty-three
hani
SATURDAY CREEPS UP FASTER THAN EXPECTED. EVENwith me telling Ishu about all of the things that Aisling and Dee love, and all of the topics that she should definitely 100 percent avoid, I’m not convinced that she’s prepared for this “triple date.” To help her prepare, I even typed up all of my suggestions into our Google Doc, so Ishu can use it like a cheat sheet. But things are bad enough with just Aisling, Dee, and the two of us. With their boyfriends involved too, I can only imagine how things will turn out.
I text Ishu bright and early on Saturday morning.
Hani: Aisling hates rice
