“Okay …” I open up the door and tell Amma that Ishu’s here. She gives us both a smile before passing me a questioning look. She must notice how upset Ishu looks, but she doesn’t ask any questions. The two of us head up to my bedroom.
Ishu is already changed out of her school uniform, so as she makes herself comfortable on my bed, I nip to the bathroom and get changed out of the itchy skirt, see-through shirt, and heavy jumper.
“My sister is getting married,” Ishu says when I come back. It’s the last thing I expect her to say. “And we’re not even going to the wedding. Because my parents suck.”
“That’s not what I expected you to say.” I sit down on the bed beside her. She looks at me with those watery eyes and attempts a weak smile.
“Aisling told you,” she says. “I’m sure you believe her. You’ve been friends with her far longer than you’ve been friends with me.”
“I’m just …” I heave a sigh, rubbing my temples. It’s only Tuesday. Nobody needs this kind of a headache on a Tuesday. “I’m confused, I guess. I don’t know what or who to believe.”
Ishu turns to me fully. “Look … Aisling cheated off my test. She’s tried to do it before. I’ve never let her. I let her this time because …”
“Because you wanted to be Head Girl,” I finish off when she trails. “You were that desperate?”
“No.” Ishu shakes her head. “Yes … I don’t know. Not like it matters anyway. Principal Gallagher believes Aisling. I’m pretty sure even my parents believe her. Who’s going to believe me? Nobody even likes me.”
“You have been top of our class for like ever,” I says. “How can anybody possibly think you’ve been cheating?”
Ishu looks at me with that watery smile again. I’ve never seen her cry, but now I can see the tears glistening in her eyes, threatening to fall. “Don’t you see? I’ve fallen right into their fucking trap, haven’t I?”
“What do you mean?”
“I’ve never fit into whatever goddamn boxes they’ve wanted to fit me into. Of course I could never be Head Girl, and now they’ve gleefully taken me down a peg by accusing me of cheating. And of course who’s going to believe the brown, immigrant girl when Aisling is the one making the accusation?”
“I don’t think that’s what’s going on here Ishu. That’s so … devious. Aisling isn’t like that,” I say.
Ishu shakes her head, wiping her tears away with the ends of her sleeves. “She hasn’t been making you feel like shit for being bisexual all this time?”
“She hasn’t.” I shake my head. “She told me that you were her friend. She said that she talked to you about the whole thing before going to Ms. Gallagher, and—”
“You really believe her?” Ishu sniffles.
“I don’t know,” I say. “I’m not sure what I believe.”
“Do you remember how Aisling and Deirdre punished you for being with me, before they agreed to even consider me as a part of their group?” Ishu asks. The party seems so long ago now, even though it was only a couple of weeks back. I don’t think I’ll ever forget how everybody was focused on me as Aisling and Dee singled me out for not drinking. For daring to be so visibly different. But would they go this far?
“You know …” Ishu says slowly. “If I’d never agreed to date you, I would not be in this mess right now. I wish I hadn’t accepted your offer.”
“My offer?” I fix her with a glare. “You agreed to do this because you wanted to be Head Girl. I didn’t cajole you. I didn’t force you. When I called, you said you didn’t want to do it and I was okay with that. You can’t blame me now.”
“Actually, I can.” Ishu comes to a stand, rubbing away the last of her tears. “Because I know you’re going to stand with Aisling. No matter what …” She trails off, taking a deep breath, like she can’t bear to think about us and our relationship any longer. “I don’t think we are right for each other anyway,” she says instead. “We’re two very different people.”
I’m not sure if I believe that, but I nod anyway. “I guess we are.”
I don’t try to stop Ishu as she gathers her things and walks toward the door. She hesitates by the edge of the door, and I feel my heart pick up speed. Beating so fast that I’m afraid it’s going to burst right out of my chest.
“I hope you know that you deserve better friends than Aisling and Deirdre,” Ishu says finally. “Friends who you don’t have to hide yourself from, and who don’t try to get you to be someone you’re not. “With that, she slips out of the door.
I wait until I hear the click of the front door before I let my tears out.
chapter thirty-five
ishu
IFEEL LIKE A FOOL FOR GOING TOHANI’S HOUSE, FORthinking that she would actually stand with me. Hani is a lot of wonderful things, but she definitely isn’t the type of person who can stand up to people. For as long as I’ve known her, I’ve seen her endure horrible things that her friends have said to her, or put her through.
Now, I guess I’m stuck in this mess all by myself, trying to figure out what comes next, with no one on my side.
