She nods. “So much. I mean, at first we were just friends, and he helped me study and get back on track. His older sister is a doctor so she helped me out a lot. I passed my exams … barely. I didn’t come back to visit because I was so afraid of disappointing Abbu and Ammu … which is awful, you know? I wanted to see them, I wanted to see you. I wanted to come back home, sleep in my bed, but I was paralyzed with fear about what Ammu and Abbu would say if I showed up with my barely passing grades. So I just stayed in London. Rakesh and I started dating and the more time that went by the more I realized just how much I didn’t want to do this anymore. At first, I thought I would take a year off from university. That was when I came here and I … used Rakesh and our engagement as an excuse when I shouldn’t have. He has nothing to do with it. He was just an excuse I was using to deal with Abbu and Ammu’s disappointment.”
“So … what do you want to do then?” I ask.
Nik sighs. “You know, I’m not really sure. I think what I want is a little bit of time just to figure that out. It’s like … ever since I decided to drop out … a cloud has parted over my head and I’m finally coming to terms with who I am. It feels like when you get out of a bad relationship and you have to learn about who you are all by yourself, you know?”
“No, but … I guess?” I say.
Nik smiles. “Right. I guess Hani was your first relationship.”
“Firstfakerelationship …” I try not to think too much about thewas,and the fact that so much of it felt real.
“You know you can still fix things with her.” Nik tilts her head to the side as she observes me. “It’s not too late.”
I shrug. “It doesn’t matter. I just want to focus on getting back on track. I can’t let everything I’ve worked for fall apart because of Hani and her shitty best friend.”
Nik sighs. “So … I wanted to talk to you about that. The whole doctor thing … that’s really something you want to do?”
“Well. Yeah.” I blink up at her. I guess I never thought of anything else I could do, but it’s definitely what motivates me.
“Because … if it’s just Ammu and Abbu pushing you, there’s still time for you to reconsider. I’d help you out, no matter what happened. I hope you know that. I’m only an hour’s flight away.”
“Thanks, Nik.” I shoot her a smile. She clutches my hands in hers tightly, and the warmth of the touch sends warmth throughout my whole body. I can’t remember the last time Nik and I spoke like this. I don’t think we ever have.
It’s kind of nice to have an older sister looking out for you.
chapter thirty-nine
hani
THE NEXT FEW DAYS OF SCHOOL DRAG BY SLOWLY, BUTat home everything is a rush. The election is only a few days away and it feels like there’s so much to do, and not enough time to do it. Abba goes to the mosque almost every day, praying shoulder-to-shoulder with the Muslims in the community before trying to smoothly convince them to vote for him.
I tag along with him whenever he goes, carrying a stack of his flyers as I stumble into the women’s balcony all by myself.
The good thing about the rush of Abba’s election is that it doesn’t really give me a lot of time to think about Aisling and Dee and … Ishu. It’s been days since I’ve spoken to any of them, even though I keep picking up the phone to text Ishu about every little thing. But I know it isn’t right. I can’t reach out to her when I haven’t figured out where I stand. When I’m not sure if I can make up for the things that Aisling has done. When I don’t even have the guts to call Aisling out for what she’s done.
I’ve been avoiding Aisling and Dee like the plague too. That’s been a little difficult since we share almost every single class together and usually spend our lunches together. But I’ve changed seats in all our classes, sitting toward the front where I can feel Aisling and Dee’s disapproving frowns. And during lunchtime I sneak outside, toward the front of the school. I sit with my back against the trunk of a tree and eat my lunch alone, trying to forget about the fact that in the past few weeks it seems that everything in my life has shifted. And I don’t know how to make things better.
On Friday afternoon, I come home to find Abba in the sitting room with his head buried in his hands. Amma is sitting beside him, her hands moving in soothing circles on his shoulders.
I shut the front door behind me as softly as I can, but both of them look up at the click of it. Amma puts on her usual smile, and Abba contorts his expression into something that’s definitely supposed to reassure—but doesn’t. A smile that looks more like a grimace.
“Is everything okay?” I ask. I can’t imagine what would lead to Abba being upset—unless something has already come out about the election.
“Everything is fine.” Amma smiles, but I must not look convinced because the next moment Amma and Abba share a look between them.
“Your Abba is just a little stressed about what tomorrow is going to be like,” she finally says with a sigh. “But … we’ve done all that we can.” She looks pointedly at Abba as she says this.
Abba sits back and heaves a sigh. He doesn’t seem convinced by Amma’s words either but he nods and repeats, “We’ve done all that we can.”
The words open up a pit in my stomach.Havewe done all that we can? I never told Abba about how I skipped out on canvassing the other day. How Aisling and Dee convinced me to go into town and celebrate with their boyfriends instead. I’ve been so caught up with Aisling, Dee, and Ishu that for so much of this election, I’ve neglected Abba and what I should have been doing for him.
Amma stands up and claps her hands together. “There’s no point sitting around stressing about what may or may not happen tomorrow. How about I make us all a nice dinner?”
Abba nods in agreement, and Amma drifts off into the kitchen. I can tell that Abba doesn’t really feel much better about everything, though.
I squeeze into the sofa next to him, even though I’m still wearing my school uniform.
“Something happened to make you stressed out now, didn’t it?” I ask slowly.
