Nina leans forward, pulling me into a hug. ‘It’s so good to see you again. Are you OK? I saw that little tumble over there.’
‘Yeah, I wasn’t watching where I was going and … it was totally my fault,’ I say, feeling like I have to defend Dina.
‘These things happen, especially when there’s so many people around.’ Nina waves her hand like she’s seen it a million times. ‘Besides, sometimes these catering companies hire new servers who don’t always have the hang of things; it takes them a while to figure everything out.’
Nina speaks like someone who has organised a lot of these events, and I wouldn’t be surprised if she has. Ever since she left her coaching position, I thought that she would be relaxing and settling into a life back home. But she has always been a bit of a go-getter. Even back when she was coaching, she used to run a mentoring programme for young girls in football.
‘You guys remember Maya, right?’ Nina asks, turning to the other women.
I immediately recognise Claire and Louise, former players from Nina’s team.
‘It’s been ages, Maya,’ Claire says as she pulls me into a hug, and Louise gives me an enthusiastic pat on the back. The last time we saw each other was when the Vikings beat the Royals in a match. But they were good sports about it, and we all went out for drinks afterwards.
The other women shake their heads. I’ve never seen them before either, though I’m not exactly surprised. They look young and shy, and I realise they must be new recruits. Seeing them makes me feel a little nostalgic – I remember being the new recruit, being filled with hopes and dreams. Unfortunately, it only carried me so far in the end.
‘This is Charlotte,’ Nina points to the girl with black hair and a bashful smile. ‘And Emilie.’ The girl with theblonde bob waves. ‘They’ve just started with the Knights football team here. And Maya used to play as a forward for the Vikings.’
‘Who do you play for now?’ Emilie asks curiously.
‘Um, I don’t play anymore, actually. I … retired.’
‘Oh.’ Emilie looks taken aback by that response, and I feel myself flush.
‘Oh, I remember they did a story about you onThe Warm Up,’ Charlotte says.
That elicits an awkward silence from the entire group. Like they’ve all watched the show, the one pointing out how it was probably my prickly personality that resulted in me leaving football. Standing there, surrounded by these women, I realise that they’ve most likely been hearing all the news stories. They’ve probably been on Twitter, seen the viral tweets calling me out for being a bully. Maybe they’ve been scrolling through the same subreddits where people are pointing out every single flaw that I have, marking out every mistake that I’ve ever made.
I’m trying to think of excuses to exit the conversation without seeming rude and regretting the decision to even come here at all. But Nina chimes in before I can say anything.
‘I thinkThe Warm Upwas so unfair to you. Just perpetuating rumours without any kind of citations. I thought sports journalism was better than that,’ she says, offering me a sympathetic smile.
I’m not sure if I should feel touched by her support or mortified that she thinks I’m so pathetic I need it.
‘The newspapers in general have been terrible,’ Louise says, nodding in agreement.
‘Sports journalists used to have respect for the game backwhen I played. These days, it’s all about sensationalising everything. I mean, it’s pathetic that a player can’t just retire without it having to be a whole big thing. There doesn’t have to be a story to everything.’ Nina’s voice takes on a tone of righteousness.
And while I appreciate her support and understanding, this is the last thing I want to talk about. I don’t want to know what news articles and talk shows my peers have watched. I don’t want to know what they discuss about me, what they believe and what they don’t believe.
‘Did you injure yourself, or something?’ Emilie asks with a frown. She obviously hasn’t been keeping up with the news cycle.
Claire shoots her a glare, but I’ve had enough of this conversation.
‘Sorry, I should go. I told my friend that I would … and, yeah, I have to …’ I turn around, though my excuse was barely formed. I can feel the pinprick of tears behind my eyes, the blood rushing in my ears. The room around me begins to blur as I push past throngs of faceless people, who all seem to peer at me like I’m some kind of animal in the zoo. I’m not a person, I’m a curiosity, and it feels like these questions will never stop.
I should never have come here.
Chapter 19
Dina
By the time I traipse back into the kitchen, my head is spinning, but I’m trying to keep everything under control.
‘Dina, everything OK?’ Jana, the catering supervisor, asks, eyeing the mess that is my shirt.
I take a deep breath, trying to calm myself down and put on a smile before replying. ‘Fine. One of the guests bumped into me and my tray went flying.’
Jana frowns. ‘You didn’t get anything on the guest, did you?’
