‘Yeah, and they’re really impressed with the team, actually,’ Jen says. She doesn’t quite meet my eyes as she says this.
‘It’s a good team,’ I reply, a sense of dread building in my stomach. What is Jen not telling me?
‘They’ve offered the spot on their team to someone else,’ Jen explains.
The feeling in my stomach grows and I can feel the pinprick of tears behind my eyes, even though it’s silly. I shouldn’t be upset that someone else on the team got this great opportunity. It’s just that if I was here, if I had played,I would be the one they would be offering that spot to. I just know it.
‘Who did they offer it to?’ I try to keep my voice steady as I ask. And before Jen says her name, I already know from the guilty look in her eyes.
‘Maya,’ Jen says. ‘And don’t worry, Dina, there are other teams and other scouts. Even though this is the last match of the season, I’m sure that we can …’
Jen keeps talking, but her voice drowns out for me. All I can hear is the rush of blood in my ears, all I can feel is the well of tears building behind my eyes. I look from Jen to Maya’s distant form, through a blurry vision.
How could she have dreamed with me about my future just yesterday and then turned around and betrayed me like this? How could she have told me all about these opportunities that I would supposedly have, and then taken mine right from under me?
‘Dina? Are you OK?’ Jen’s voice finally grounds me back in reality.
‘I’m fine. Sorry, Jen, I’m feeling a little … sick. I should go home,’ I say, turning around before Jen even gets the chance to respond.
I find Deen in the crowd of spectators.
‘Let’s go home.’
‘What? We just got here!’ Deen says. But when he catches my eye and sees the look on my face, he doesn’t argue any further. ‘OK, let’s go.’
Back in the car, Deen and I sit in silence as he drives out of the school gates. All the while, though, rage is building inside of me. So fast and so hot that it feels a little suffocating. I wish that I could have just marched up to Maya on that football pitch and demanded what the hell she wasthinking, what she was doing. But instead, I just have to sit here in a car with Deen, and stew in my anger, while Maya gets to live out her dream –mydream.
‘OK, what happened?’ Deen asks finally, breaking the silence.
‘Doesn’t matter,’ I say, crossing my arms over my chest and looking out of the window. All the while, I’m trying not to cry, feeling the injustice of it all, the fact that Maya always seems to get what she wants while I end up with nothing.
‘Dina, come on. Something clearly happened. Was it the scout? You know that just because you showed up at the match didn’t mean you would be able to play. You knew that, right?’
‘Yeah, it was stupid. Going to the game,’ I say. ‘It doesn’t matter anyway. I’m done.’
‘Well, good,’ Deen says, clearly not understanding what I mean. ‘Because, honestly, Ma would probably kill me if she knew I took you to the game when you should be resting.’
‘No. I mean, I’m done with football. It’s about time anyway. I’m too old to be in the under-18s league next year.’
Deen turns to give me a concerned look. ‘I mean, you could join another team, you could—’
‘No. I’m never going to be a professional football player, so what’s the point? It’s stupid and a waste of time. I’m done. For good.’
That thought follows me all the way to the next day when I show up outside Maya’s house. I know that I probably look terrible; I haven’t slept, tossing and turning all night, thinking about the fact that, in just a few weeks, Maya will be going away to join a football team in the US. That Maya betrayed me. That Maya is leaving me.
I feel like in the blink of an eye I’ve lost control ofeverything, and all I know is that I have to take control of something. Even if it’s not in the way that I want.
I press my finger on the doorbell and I can hear it ringing out sharply. A moment later, I hear the sound of footsteps inside, bounding down the stairs. And then the door is open and Maya stands in front of me.
She looks jubilant, her eyes bright, her long hair loose and free behind her. The sunlight casts a light on her that almost seems to make her glow. She lookshappyto see me, like she didn’t break my heart yesterday.
‘Dina!’ Maya leaps forward, throwing her arms around me.
For a moment, I close my eyes, take in the scent of her, luxuriate in the feel of her arms around mine, the warmth of her skin, the familiar embrace of her hug. This is the last time that we’ll have this, and as much as I hate her right now, I savour it. Then, I’m pulling away, wrenching her fingers off me. I don’t want to give her the satisfaction of knowing that, when she’s gone, I’ll miss this. I’ll miss her.
‘You took my spot.’ I spit the words out, and Maya’s expression changes.
She shakes her head, but I know that she can’t deny it. ‘I didn’t – it’s not like that Dina. They offered me the position. I couldn’t turn it down. But that doesn’t mean—’
