I could probably hurry along and avoid Dina altogether, and the speed at which my heart is beating makes me think that I should. But there’s a voice in my head that reminds me of the way Dina looked at me at the fundraiser. That moment when our hands touched. It reminds me of how she stayed with me through my panic attack, that she listened to me, was there for me, when she definitely didn’t have to.
I don’t get the chance to decide what to do because – as if they can sense me watching – Dina and the woman look over to me.
Automatically, I paste on a smile and raise my hand to wave. For an excruciating moment, Dina just stares and I wonder if this is going to be another incident like outside the park, where she rode off on her bike at the speed of light. Instead, Dina raises her arm reluctantly. Just that simple action makes my stomach do a somersault.
Nadine would be so disappointed in me right now.
I approach Dina, trying not to sound too eager as I greet her. ‘Hey,’ I say.
‘Hi.’ Dina doesn’t exactly smile, but she doesn’t glare either so that seems like a win.
For a moment, we just look at each other in awkward silence. Then, I hear the sound of someone clearing their throat, and I remember the woman that Dina is with.
Dina seems to remember her too because she quickly turns towards her and says, ‘Uh, this is Thea. Thea … you know Maya.’
My heart almost stops at Dina’s words: ‘You know Maya,’ as if she’s been talking about me. I try not to read into it too much. It could just be because I used to play football professionally. Maybe Thea knows me from that. Or maybe Dina has been talking shit about me for so long and to so many people that anybody in her life would know me as that girl who killed her chances at football. Knowing Dina, it’s probably that last one.
‘Hey.’ Thea smiles at me.
I study this girl, Thea. She’s tall and lean, with chestnut-brown hair that falls around her shoulders in curls. I try to gauge if that’s Dina’s type, but it’s difficult to say. For all the time I’ve known Dina,I’vebeen her type. But the way the two of them were sitting, close together, face to face, doesn’t dissuade me from thinking that maybe she’s Dina’s girlfriend.
‘It’s nice to meet you.’ My voice comes out sounding a little more clipped than I want it to. It’s none of my business if TheaisDina’s girlfriend, but I feel a tug of envy in my chest, hot and uncomfortable.
‘You were at football practice?’ Dina asks, though it feels like a taboo question.
‘We had a match. I was just … heading off,’ I say.
To my surprise, Dina stands up, giving Thea a cursory glance.
‘I’ll walk with you. Thea has to get back to her studies,’ Dina says.
Thea scrunches up her face. ‘Never get into law.’ She shoves a few heavy books into her backpack and then, with a wave, hurries towards the other side of the park. Leaving me and Dina all alone.
There’s a lump in my throat that I try to swallow as the two of us fall into step. We’re not exactly brushing up against each other, but I’m all too aware of the heat of Dina’s body next to mine; the soft sound of her breathing, the sharp scent of her.
‘So, how’s your player doing? Laila?’ Dina asks.
‘Better, I think. Jade helped. I don’t know what advice she gave her, and Laila isn’t back on social media or anything, but … she seems more focused,’ I say. I wish Jade would givemeadvice, because clearly she’s cracked something that I didn’t when it came to being in the public eye.
‘And … how have you been?’
I feel myself flush at the question. She’s clearly thinking about the breakdown I had at the fundraiser.
‘OK. It’s weird. I’m getting all of these interview requests now to talk about the racism I faced while I was a player. But the same journalists were all OK spreading lies about me just days ago.’ I sigh. When I told Isabel about everything that had happened, she suggested I talk to some of them, but I’m still not sure. It finally felt like some of the media attention had been dying down, and the fundraiser has just put me back in the public eye.
‘Hypocrites.’ Dina shakes her head. ‘But … maybe youshouldtalk to them. I mean, this time you can control the narrative, right?’
‘I wouldn’t be the one writing the articles, so … not exactly.’
‘Right.’ Dina frowns and there’s a beat of silence, only broken by the sound of our walking. ‘You could find a way to control it, though, couldn’t you? You could write your own article? Or you could give an interview or something? Then it would be you speaking, not someone speaking for you.’
It isn’t a terrible idea. Erica Hadley’s card is somewhere in the bottom of my purse andThe Warm Upis a big show. Maybe if I reached out to her, Icouldcontrol the narrative.
‘Maybe. I’ll think about it.’
The two of us descend into silence again. The entrance to the park appears in sight, and I know that in just a few minutes, we’ll be going our separate ways.
‘You didn’t have practice today?’ I ask, wanting to spend more time with Dina. I look to her, expecting her to bristle at the question, but she doesn’t.
