I sigh, resting my forefinger on the notifications to swipe them away and forget about them until the next time Isabel texts. But it’s been two whole weeks and Isabel hasn’t let up.
I thought it would be easy to cut off all my ties to football. I’d had a brief farewell ‘party’ with most of the girls from my team, opposing teams, and more – if drinks at a cheap local bar could be referred to as a party. They hadn’t asked many questions about my decision to retire, though they’d said they’d miss me over and over again. Afterwards, I’d swiftly exited all of our group chats and I thought that was that.
But Isabel has texted me every single day. I probably shouldn’t be surprised, considering how close we’ve got over the past few years, but I also wasn’t sure if I could bear to keep in touch with her. It reminded me too much of everything that I’ve lost out on. Which is exactly why I’ve been deleting all the message notifications from her. I’ve been leaving her on read. I figured after a couple of days, she’d tire of me ignoring her and write me off as a lost cause. But Isabel just hasn’t been getting the message.
Which is why I hesitate with her text today. She’s right – if she persists, one of these days Iwillhave to start talking to her again. There’s only so long that I can ignore her, and every time she texts to saygood morning, and ask about how I’m doing, and how my parents are, and what it’s like being back home, I feel this tightness in my chest.
Sitting up in bed, I rub sleep out of my eyes. Instead ofdeleting the notification, my fingers go to the on-screen keyboard, typing an answer.
Maya: You are seriously persistent
Isabel’s reply comes lightning fast, like she’s been sitting by her phone, waiting for my reply.
Isabel: Hallelujah! She’s alive!
Isabel: Please tell me you haven’t been rotting away in bed and ignoring everyone for the past two weeks
It’s eerie how well she knows me, but, in truth, Isabel was really the only person on the team who got me. It helped that she was Latina, which meant that often we were up against the same kind of problems. We talked about how the media seemed to have a grudge against us, and how even our ‘fans’ were quick to criticise us in a way that they never did the white players.
Maya: I’ve just needed time to myself. I still need some time to myself.
Isabel’s reply comes more slowly this time. I can see her typing, stopping, typing, stopping. Like she’s carefully choosing her words.
Isabel: Maya … I know it’s been hard for you. And if you need to not talk to me for a while, I get that. But I’m here, whenever you need someone to talk to. You know that. Crossing the Atlantic Ocean doesn’t mean you get rid of me. It’s not going to be that easy.
I smile, and the movement almost feels unnatural. I can’t remember the last time that I’ve smiled or laughed, or felt anything but an overwhelming sense of anguish. I miss Isabel, I miss my team. I miss my schedules and my training, and I miss football. But maybe being back home doesn’t just have to be me going over my failures all day, every day.
Maybe it’s time to start picking up the pieces again.
Chapter 3
Dina
I think about what Deen said while I cycle home from the restaurant, but I can’t really wrap my head around the idea of being a coach. It’s been so long since I’ve even touched a football. Whatever skill I thought I had has probably dissipated into thin air, and Jen likely knows that. She must have only mentioned the assistant coach position because she was making small talk and didn’t know what else to talk about.
Yeah, that was definitely it.
I lock up my bike inside the foyer of the building before making my way up to my apartment. Outside the door, I can hear the mumble ofThe Warm Up, a sports talk show that Thea and I sometimes watch together. But when I step inside, my flatmates, Thea and Aisha, are in the sitting room watching what seems to be a very dry documentary about hairdressing – something that neither of them has ever expressed much interest in.
‘Hey!’ Thea says cheerfully over her shoulder.
‘Hi …’ I mumble, taking off my shoes and making my way towards the sitting room. ‘What are you guys watching?’
‘Oh, it’s just background noise,’ Aisha says, turning away from the TV and towards me, a bright smile pasted on her face. ‘We were just, you know, having a catch-up.’
‘Oh. Is there any good gossip that I’ve missed?’
‘Um …’ Aisha and Thea exchange a glance between them.
‘My co-worker – the really annoying one who I’m convinced is the office lunch thief? She got engaged!’ Thea offers.
‘Oh …’ I’m not really sure how to respond to that revelation considering Thea has only mentioned this co-worker a couple of times offhandedly.
‘Uh, and they just opened this new restaurant like ten minutes away from where I work. We should go there for brunch sometime,’ Aisha says enthusiastically.
‘What’s the place called?’
‘Um …’
