‘The man’s family didn’t take to it too well,’ she says. At this point she pats my knee. ‘Which is why I never told you this. I didn’t want you to think it was your fault, because it’s entirely theirs. His family threatened to disown him for having a child out of wedlock. So he gave me a plane ticket and some cash, to go back to London. And because I had nothing else, I did. I never spoke to him again.’
Now, this is the first time we’ve really spoken about my aforementioned father. I’ve spent years wondering who he was. A pilot? A movie star? A spy?
But he was a man. A man who for some time my mum loved. A man who made me. Their story didn’t last, but it shaped both of our lives.
I’m okay with that.
Kajal moved back in with her parents in East London.
‘It was fine, but they were clearly disappointed in how my life had turned out,’ she says, looking out of the window. ‘But for me, my life had been brilliant. And the most brilliant moment of it all was when Ihad you.’
But Des and Naveen didn’t want Kajal to return to museum life.
‘They wanted me to stay local, get a small job somewhere, dream smaller now I was a mother. But I thought: why can’t I have you and the life I want for us? Well, one argument led to another, and because I’m so stupidly independent, I left for a second time.’
She moved to the cheapest place she could afford to buy a house, Croydon, commuting in long hours to work at city museums, sometimes with a baby in tow.
‘I had two good pieces of luck,’ she tells me. ‘One was that I made friends with my next-door neighbour, Meredith, who had a son a similar age and could watch you while I was at work if you couldn’t go to nursery for some reason. The other was my friend Gina, who I met a work and who kept me together.’
Kajal climbed the museum ladder, becoming a member of boards and a well-respected voice in her field. She travelled a lot less, but displayed her treasures in her home. She lived her full life without regrets.
And she is an amazing mum. She’s been there my whole life, for every essay I struggled to write, to twisting my ankle from cross-country. Every scrape, both physically and emotionally, my mum has been there for me.
Which is why when she got diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis a few years ago, I promised I would be there for her. Despite the arthritis taking over her joints, it didn’t stop her from pushing forwards with her life.
Kajal is now the Programme Director at the Croydon Museum, putting on local events for kids and adults. Her favourite events are the ones about the ancient world.
‘There’s nothing I would change and nothing I am disappointed by,’ she says. ‘Even now my knees have gone, I am still happy to have the life I lead. I’m proud to make a difference to my community. And I’m so proud of the daughter I’ve raised.’
So what is a good life? After talking to Kajal, I’ve realised it’s a life we live in the way we want to live it. It’s what good looks like to us. It’s having a mother that loves you and stands by you. It’s not being afraid of what other people think, and reaching for your best.
It’s something I hope I can honour her with throughout my life.
Fifty
And this winter
Feels like it’s been going on forever
Snow on my skin
Ice settling on my scars within
‘Winter’ fromDreamers
And the winner of the best interview is . . . Selena Pia,’ says Gareth.
On Friday afternoon, we’re at a writing staff meeting, with all of us standing up in a tiny conference room. Everyone immediately starts clapping for me. I feel shocked. I knew my article was good, but I didn’t know if it was good enough. We read each other’s articles earlier today. Tori interviewed a firefighter who had saved fifteen people from a beloved shop that had burnt down, and Doug had interviewed a local business owner who was going viral on TikTok.
Both were interesting, funny and moving, and I didn’t know what chance I had to beat them. I’ve been nervous all day. But it doesn’t matter. Because I won!
I catch Tori’s eye as I walk to the front. She gives me a nod.
‘Your article was really good,’ she whispers. ‘I accept defeat.’ I double take. That might be the nicest thing Tori has ever said tome.
‘Selena, your interview impressed us not only for the great quality of writing and storytelling, but also for its heart. It showed it’s really the ordinary people who make up this town, and how everyone’s stories are unique,’ says Gareth. ‘Your prize is that it’ll be published in tomorrow’s paper, and you’ll be covering the Rose Conrad concert for us.’
He hands me a frame, which has the printed newspaper version of my article in it. Inserted is a picture of me and Mum that I had submitted.
