I immediately go to the group chat.
Kira has 45,293 and 35,587.
Faye has 33,485 and 102,874. Across everyone else I had asked, there is no good news. So much for those IOUs. My only hope is Ollie.
I message Ollie, asking him what his queue number is. Surely now he should reply.
Nothing.
It would be great if you could tell me now, as I’m stressing, I message, gritting my teeth. ‘Stressing’ is a loose word for what I’m feeling. But ‘on the edge of a breakdown’ doesn’t have the same ring to it.
Still no reply.
I look back at my queue positions. They’ve all started to tick down, but none are anywhere close to zero. I go on the forums online. People are starting to post about getting tickets, some people are also raging about the long queue.
I think Imightthrow up.
Kira and Faye both tell me that theirs are still nowhere near the end.
Mum comes over. Puts her hand on my shoulder. ‘It’ll be okay, Selena.’
Part of me wants to wail and scream, but I close my eyes, take a deep breath, and nod. What use is screaming when the outcome is so obvious? It won’t change anything.
Ten minutes pass. Ten minutes of agonising waiting, watching everyone get tickets. I see other people at school post their victories and I want to delete all my social media and throw my phone into the void.
Instead I send them party congratulation emoji responses.
And then it’s over.
And I don’t have tickets.
And Ollie never responded to my message.
Sixteen
It’s a bad dream
That you’re not with me
The nightshade envy
Leaves its marks
‘Nightmare’ fromDreamers
Later that day, Ollie’s response left me confused.
Sorry, I completely forgot! I was going to Scott’sbirthday bash – he wanted to get a McDonald’s breakfast to start his 18th lol. Shame about the tickets, better luck next time!
There’s a few things my overthinking brain reads into.
One: Ollie’s friends now have names. Scott. Ollie’s mentioned friends before in passing, but it’s now moved from ‘a friend’ to an actual name, as if Scott is part of my life too.
Two: It’s an 18th birthday. I can’t have a go at him for not trying for tickets instead of going to an 18th birthday. He’ll tell me how hard it is to make friends in upper sixth, at a new school. Although it would have been good if he had remembered yesterday.
Three:Shame about the tickets. It doesn’t even come close to the magnitude of devastation I am feeling about not going to see Rose Conrad. Which he knows I must be feeling.
But I don’t want to upset him by bringing this up. I don’t want to push him away. So instead I decide not to reply and get through my emotions by going for a run.
