‘Oh I don’t know yet,’ I say.
‘Are you still sure you want to go to university?’ asks Faye.
It’s a good question, after Faye’s revelation. But I know the answer.
‘Yes, I do,’ I say. ‘I like learning stuff, I want the experience.’ That much is true. When I think of what’s ahead, it feels right that it’s uni. I just can’t put together any more of the details ofwhat I want.
‘Then why aren’t you getting your shit together, girl?’ says Kira.
‘I have until January,’ I say, crossing my arms.
‘Have you decided what course you want to do?’ asks Kira.
‘No, but—’ I say.
‘Time is running out!’ says Kira.
‘Why are you so invested? It’s my life,’ I say.
‘Because you’re my friend and I want to help you,’ says Kira.
‘But it’s not helpful that you’re always nagging me,’ I say. ‘As you say, you’re my friend, not my mum.’
‘I wish that my mum would push me like this,’ says Kira aggressively. ‘Instead she keeps telling me to be realistic and get my degree and find a good job. She doesn’t believeIcan do it, because no one else can.’ Sometimes I think Kira’s mum has a point. ‘But how am I meant to achieve anything if I set my expectations low? I’ll end up being like everyone else.’
‘Is that so bad?’ I say. ‘To be ordinary?’
Kira looks me dead in the eye. ‘It’s the worst thing I can imagine.’
‘But that’s you,’ I say, standing up. ‘Maybe some of us are okay wanting the ordinary.’
‘But Selena, how can you know you want the ordinary, when you don’t know what you want at all?’ Kira touches my arm sympathetically.
I pull my arm away. ‘Then give me the time to work it out.’ I understand Kira is trying to help, but why can’t she see not everyone is like her? That we’re different and that’s okay?
Eighteen
This pen is a weapon
Ink for bullets
Bleeds deception
Don’t mess with me
Or you’ll end up stained
With my treachery
‘Stained’ fromRoses
I arrive at English and Tori is already there with Farah and Mia. I take a spot at the desk behind her. Not because I’m a creature of habit, but because I can hear they’re talking about the Secret Sender and I want to eavesdrop.
‘She’s so good,’ says Farah. ‘I foundHometown Gloryso inspirational, and the friendship one so funny but true.’
‘“Call me Ms Chances” is such a line,’ says Mia, clicking her fingers. ‘She can write for sure.’
I feel a swell of pride at the girls’ comments.
