What would have been
If we had stayed there
‘Shatter’ fromRoses
Why do you love photography so much?’ I say, as we’re walking around an old museum. Ty is taking photos of all the architecture, I’m peering at artefacts in glass boxes.
We are crouched under a huge arch, where Ty is kneeling down, trying to fit the grand staircase into view.
‘I like capturing the moment.’ He pauses, flicks through the photos he’s taken. Readjusts himself and tries again. ‘There’s so much . . . I don’t want to say beauty, because it’s not only that. You capture the essence of what’s happening with a photograph. And there’s so much to it, the skill, the technique. I feel I’m constantly getting better at it. I’m nowhere near pro level, but I can see myself getting better.’
‘You’re really good at it,’ I say softly, looking at the photo on his screen. The staircase looks dramatic from the natural light coming from the window in the arch above us.
‘Go, get on it,’ he says.
‘What?’
‘I want to take a portrait of you,’ he says. ‘It’s your birthday after all.’
I go to remove the tiara and sash, but he touches my hand. ‘Keep it on, I want to capture this day as it is.’
I walk to stand on the staircase.
‘How should I model for you?’ I say, striking a pose with my hand on my hip. He laughs and takes a photo, and I keep moving, throwing my arms and legs out in unnatural shapes, much to the amusement of tourists walking by us.
‘Okay, enough,’ he says, laughing. ‘I think I’ve captured enough of the Selena Pia catwalk show.’ He walks towards me, sits down on the step. ‘Talk to me,’ he says. ‘I want to capture you.’
I feel very self-conscious, looking at him with his camera to his face. It’s like I’m trying to see into his eyes, via the camera.
‘What should I talk to you about?’ I say.
‘Are you excited for the newspaper experience?’ he says. ‘Selena the journalist.’
‘I’m excited to learn more,’ I say slowly. ‘The last time I did work experience, I was mostly helping the council with admin and it was really boring. I’m excited to see what a job like this could be like. If I could write forever.’
I look above, into the dome above us. Seriously – dome, staircase, arches, this architecture really is wild.
‘Kira always says there’s got to be something bigger than this. Than the life we’re currently living. But the life I live has always felt enough, you know? I can’t imagine what bigger would look like. But I’m hoping this work experience gets me there.’
‘I think I got it,’ says Ty, who I hadn’t realised has stood up. He shows me the pictures on his camera. There I am, bathed in a soft glow, looking up.
‘I’ll print this for you,’ he says. ‘So you can remember to think bigger.’
‘I love it,’ I say, touching the screen.
‘I told you, photography is about capturing the moment. That’s all I did here.’ I catch his eye, and he smiles at me, and in that second, I don’t want this moment to end.
***
We go to a bar. It’s the first time I’ve ever legally bought alcohol. I hand over my ID, almost nervously to the bartender, after Ty orders two glasses of champagne. We managed to find it at the back of the menu. I don’t think it’s the average order of this bar with its sticky menus and drinks offers, but Ty insists.
‘Happy birthday,’ she says, after looking at it and giving it back to me. ‘Although with all the stuff you’re wearing, I had already guessed.’
‘I really should take this off,’ I say, touching the tiara, after she leaves.
‘It’s part of the day,’ says Ty. ‘You’re going to have to keep it on. What would Kira say?’
‘I’ve been hiding myself too much and I should let myself go a bit more?’ I touch my chin and pretend to think about it. ‘You’re right, I should keep the tiara on.’
