But do I want to?
Thirty-Six
Anticipation, can you feel it?
The moment before
Our hearts start racing
‘Anticipation’ fromThe Brink of Teenage Freedom
It’s so cool your mum is allowing us to have drinks,’ says Kira, twisting open the screwtop on a bottle of wine. I don’t mention it’s because Mum thinks there’s only five people coming. Close friends. If she knew the truth, maybe she wouldn’t have been so generous with the wine she’s left us.
‘Don’t go too wild,’ I say. Now we’re here, I feel excited but also anxious about the lie. Nobody could turn up, I remind myself. But would that be worse?
‘Oh, I’m going wild, baby,’ says Kira, pouring some wine into a cup. ‘What’s the point of being at an illicit house party if not to get a bit loose.’
The anxiety returns.
‘I’m looking forward to this,’ laughs Faye, sipping her Diet Coke.
Right now, it’s just the three of us, but I’ve invited more people from school to come over.
‘Faye, are you sure I can’t tempt you?’ says Kira, waving the wine bottle.
‘Although you are dressed like a devil, not now,’ says Faye. She isn’t wrong, Kira is wearing a scarlet sequined dress and is by far the brightest thing in the room. I’ve changed into my gold dress with a halterneck, and Faye has made her own outfit: a floaty blue dress, which I cannot imagine how she constructed.
Faye is not drinking. I’ve seen her take sips, but she likes ‘the clarity of a mind untainted’. She said she would at the toast we’re going to do later, and I told her no sweat. Kira, on the other hand, seems determined to get more than a toast glass into Faye.
I take a sip of the wine. It’s less nice than the champagne I had earlier with Ty. We didn’t talk about the kiss at all, like it never happened. But it did and I can feel it on my lips. He said he would still come by tonight.
‘Selena, Selena!’ says Kira.
‘Yeah, what?’ I say, coming back to reality.
‘You’ve gulped half that glass down already!’ she says. ‘Are you okay?’
‘Sorry, my mind is elsewhere,’ I say, as the doorbell rings.
‘I’ll get it,’ says Faye. ‘Otherwise you’re going to be getting the door all night and it’s your birthday.’
Kira looks at me pityingly. ‘Is it because Ollie isn’t here yet?’
I want to say no, but instead I say, ‘Yes. I miss him. We’ve basically done every birthday together since we were born.’ I feel another surge of guilt. I haven’t really thought about Ollie all day. Our traditions, how we’ve always spent my birthday together. I was too distracted by being with Ty.
It’s not a lie, just not what I was thinking of.
‘After you spent the whole day withTy?’ says Kira, elbowing me. Damn, how does she know me so well.
‘It’s not like that,’ I say, looking away from her.
‘Really?’ she says.
‘We’re friends,’ I say. ‘It’s all cool.’
Kira shakes her head. ‘I can’t believe how many boys you’ve gotall over you. I don’t know when a boy will even speak to me.’
‘Tori’s boyfriend is bringing a couple of friends, you’ll talk to them tonight,’ I say.
