For a moment, I am frozen. But I know there’s nothing to do but confess.
‘I had a few more people over last night than I might have made out,’ I tell her.
Mum’s eyes narrow. ‘How many?’
‘Maybe fifteen . . . twenty?’ I try to look nonchalant and it’s not working. I feel like throwing up.
‘And who out of the twenty to thirty people did this?’
‘Well it was me, but via Tori’s boyfriend. I tried to hide everything valuable out of the way, but he found it and threw up in it, and then I tried to bleach it,’ I say, my voice getting squeakier.
Mum looks like she wants to throw up.
‘Tori’s . . . boyfriend,’ says Mum slowly. ‘So not only didsomeone throw up in my vase, it was some random person you don’t even know?’
I nod, wincing at the painful facts.
‘Selena, do you know how irresponsible this is? You hosted a bunch of people, some you don’t even know, in my house, without telling me. What were you thinking?’
‘I wanted a proper party,’ I say, quietly. ‘To feel grown-up, I guess.’ The words don’t sound any better out loud.
‘Why didn’t you ask me?’ says Mum. ‘Because I would have said no?’
‘Well . . . yeah,’ I say, looking at my feet.
‘I wouldn’t have said no,’ says Mum, so sternly it forces me to look back at her. ‘You shouldn’t assume things. If you had genuinely told me you wanted to host a bigger party, I would have said yes and supervised it.’
‘But you love this house,’ I say.
She raises her eyebrows. ‘And I would have been concerned about it getting damaged? Yes, I would have been worried, but I would have helped you out. Because I trust you.’ She shakes her head. ‘But now, you’ve broken the trust.’
‘I’m really sorry,’ I say, the disappointment in her voice killing me.
‘No, Selena, you’re an adult now, this is not how it works. You can’t say sorry and try to fix things. You need to sit with your mistakes, bear the consequences of your actions. It’s time to grow up now.’
And with that, she leaves with the vase tucked under her arm.
The cranky seamstress was right about being an adult. And it sucks.
Forty-One
When it all burns down
I’ll see through the embers
I’ll be the one who remembers
What we had
‘Burn’ fromDreamers
School is painful. Kira is not talking to me. On Monday I eat lunch with random girls from my other classes because I feel like it’s fairer if she gets Faye.
‘I want to explain to her,’ I say to Faye. It’s our free period together, Kira has Economics. It’s been one full day of the silent treatment now.
‘You need to give her time,’ says Faye., ‘She’s pretty cut up about it.’
‘I know what I said was harsh, and honestly I didn’t really mean it. I was having a terrible night.’
