“I…”
“Let me finish.” He caught her hand, his touch now far too warm again. “I have gone through my life existing only to be a weapon. Holding onto a prophecy given to me by my grandmother. Until you showed up. You, my little murderer. My little impossible fae assassin. With you, I felt more alive than I had in decades.”
She chuckled, quiet and broken-hearted. “That’s a very screwed-up way to feel alive.”
“I think it matches our aesthetic.” He managed a weak smile. “But that’s my point. I’ve done terrible things, Nadi. Unforgivable things. I became what my mother shaped me to be—a weapon, a monster, a tool for the family’s ambitions. And I learned to enjoy it.” His thumb traced a circle on her palm. “I can’t ever not be the monster I have become.”
“I’ve never asked you to be anything else.” She met his gaze, even as he echoed the very same thoughts she was having. “Your family turned you into a monster. And you, in turn, made me into one as well. But we both walked this path willingly in our own right. We could have turned away if we wanted to. We didn’t. We’re here because of the choices we made and we have to admit that.”
He grinned almost dreamily. For a moment, she worried he might have relapsed into his fever too quickly. “I know when it happened. It was when you walked out of that warehouse the Iltanis had dragged you into, bloodied and concussed in your wedding dress. Ripped and stained and dazed, carrying a gun. You weren’t even wearing your real face, but something in meknew.Justknew.”
“Knew what?” She furrowed her brow. “What’re you talking about?”
He reached out a hand and placed it gently against her cheek. “That I lovedyou. Whoeveryouwere. My bloody bride. Mymurderer. Whatever complicated, twisted,insanepath having you in my life was going to lead down? I was going to follow it blindly from that moment on. And I would do it without question.”
Nadi stared at him in shock, her eyes wide, flicking between his in confusion. “Raz?—”
“I know, I know.” He chuckled. “It’s impossible, it’s wrong, I’m a mad sadist and you’re a murderous fae, I killed your family, we’re both about to die”—he coughed—“me sooner than you, apparently…but I love you anyway. Completely. Desperately. However much I’m capable of, with this ruined soul of mine.”
She shut her eyes and bowed her head, fighting back tears.
“I love the way you’re terrible at lying when you’re nervous. And I love that you can’t help but keep saving me like the complete fool that you are.”
It took her a moment to summon the ability to speak. “This is just the poison talking.”
“I’m dying, Nadi. I think it’s time I was honest with you for once. And if it is the influence of the poison spurring me to speak, so be it. You are the most real thing I have had in my life, no matter the face you wear.”
Whatever she had been holding onto, whatever fragments of a shattered bulwark she still desperately clung to, all fell apart. It melted in her hands. The tears came then, hot and sudden. “Youcan’tdie, Raziel. I forbid it. You’re not allowed.” She glared up at him.
“Stop being such an idiot.” He chuckled. “Just finally get what you came here for and stop torturing me over it, will you? Then you can go on with your life once I stop weighing you down like an anchor.” He smirked.
“I am not an idiot! I love you!”The words escaped before she could stop them, bursting forth now that the dam was broken.
“What?” His eyes widened.
“I love you.” Now that she’d started, she couldn’t stop. “I hate that I do. I’ve tried not to. I’ve reminded myself every day of what you’ve done, who you are, why this is the worst idea in the world. But somewhere in thisstupid messof everything, I fell in love with you and Ican’t stop it. And now the thought of you dying—it terrifies me.”
It was panic.
She was so afraid.
“You can’t leave me, Raziel. Youcan’t.Please.” She pressed her forehead against his, feeling the unnatural heat of his skin. “We’re the same. And I see you, Raziel Nostrom. All of you. The monster and the man and everything in between.”
“Nadi—”
“And I love all of you. Mother moon help me, I love all of you. Raziel Nostrom. The Serpent. Whoever you choose to be. Whatever is left when all this is said and done. But youhaveto live.” The tears were flowing freely now. “So you don’t get to die. Do you understand? I forbid it. I’ll make a deal with the lords of the deep if I have to. I’ll sell them my soul, if they’ll?—”
He kissed her then, pulling her against him with surprising strength. It was desperate and gentle at once, tasting of poison and the metallic tang of blood. His lips were too hot against hers, his hands shaking where they held her, but she didn’t care. She kissed him back with equal desperation, trying to pour all her love and fear and determination into the contact.
When they finally broke apart, they were both breathing hard.
“We’re impossible,” he whispered against her lips.
“So we’ll be impossible. Together.” She pulled back enough to look at him, memorizing his face—the sharp cheekbones, the unnatural glint of his eyes, the way his dark hair fell across his forehead. “For however long we have.”
He smiled in a way that she remembered her mother smiling at her when their family pet was dying and she insisted it wasn’t.
Nadi bit down a sob and settled beside him. His arms wrapped around her waist, holding on like she might disappear.
