He huffed a quiet laugh. “Perhaps. But it felt true at the time. It still feels true.” He turned his head to look at her, and his crimson eyes caught what little light remained. “I am not the man I was when we first met, Nadi. I’m not even the man I was when they put me in that coffin.”
“Then who are you?”
“I’m still figuring that out.” A pause. “But I know I’m yours. That hasn’t changed. That won’t change.”
She wanted to believe him. Moons above, she wanted to believe him so badly it hurt.
“Kalo thinks I’m a fool,” she said instead.
“Kalo thinks everyone is a fool.” Raziel shrugged. “He’s not entirely wrong. We’re all fools, in our own ways. Him included.”
“He’s not wrong about me, though. About us.” She pulled her knees up, wrapping her arms around them. A defensive posture she couldn’t seem to stop herself from taking. “I did leave everything behind. Everyone. For revenge that he doesn’t think was worth it.”
“Was it worth it to you, though? When you killed my mother, did it feel good?”
She thought about Volencia, dead at her hands. Thought about all the years of planning and scheming and pretending to be someone she wasn’t. Thought about what she’d lost along the way.
“I don’t know,” she admitted. “I thought it would feel like victory. Like closure. But it just feels…”
“Empty?”
“Unfinished.” She rested her chin on her knees. “There’s still Mael. And Lana. And Lilivra. The job isn’t done.”
“And when it is?” Raziel’s voice was soft. “What then, little murderer? What happens to you when there’s no one left to kill?”
It was the question she’d been avoiding since the coffin. Since she’d dragged him from the depths and committed herself to this path once and for all.
“I don’t know,” she said again. “I’ve never let myself think that far ahead.”
“Then perhaps it’s time to start.”
She turned to look at him, and found him watching her with an intensity that made her breath catch. “What do you want, Raziel? After it all? Assuming we survive?”
“The world. And you.” The word was simple. Direct. “I want you. Whatever form that takes. Whatever future we can carve out of the ruins of everything we’ve destroyed.”
“That’s not much of a plan.”
“No.” He reached out and took her hand, his fingers cold against her skin. “But it’s a start.”
She didn’t pull away.
By the time they set out on the third day, Nadi had almost convinced herself she could survive the rest of the journey without committing murder.
She was wrong.
“What was her favorite food as a child?” Raziel asked, hischanchafalling into step beside Kalo’s.
“Candiedhela’na.A type of fruit,” Kalo replied without hesitation. “She used to trade anything she could get her hands on for them.”
“I hate you both,” Nadi announced to no one in particular.
“Did she have any pets?” Raziel continued, ignoring her completely. “You said she wanted ahebekas one. But did she have others?”
“Akit’ra—one of those small, fuzzy crawling bugs. She named it Fang, which was ridiculous because it didn’t have any fangs. Always wanting to be scarier than she was, our Nadi.” Kalo’s voice held a note of fondness that made Nadi’s chest ache. “Fang lived for about six years before something ate it.”
“Something ate her pet?” Raziel sounded genuinely horrified.
“Welcome to the Wild,vuampi.” Kalo shrugged. “Everything eats everything down here.”
