“It’s going to be great,” Fallon encourages, and I hope she’s right because I want it to be great. I want that more than almost anything.
I havethe beginning of a headache by the time I leave work. My head is spinning fromeverythingtoday. I hate the pressure I now feel on top of what I already put on myself.
If tonight goes poorly, will Fallon be disappointed?
Will she keep worrying?
That thought has me swallowing down my discomfort as I raise my fist and knock on the door in front of me. I need a pep talk, and more than that, I need some reassurance.
“Hey,” Cal says when the door swings open. He’s still dressed in his clothes from his job as an art teacher at the elementary school, but his feet are bare and I can hear his boyfriend banging around in the kitchen behind him. “Is everything all right?”
“Can I come in?”
“Of course,” he says, moving back so I can walk into the house.
“Hey, Tanner,” Blake says, waving with his free hand as the other stirs something in a skillet on the stove.
“What’s up?” Cal asks, leading me to the island and offering me a beer.
I shake my head as both men stare at me. “I have a date.”
“That’s great. Is it Deacon?” Cal asks, as Blake continues poking at things with the spatula.
“Yeah, and I guess…” Swallowing hard, I turn my attention to Blake. “I wanted to ask you something?”
It comes out as a question as Blake turns the heat down and puts the spatula on the spoon rest.
“Sure.”
“How did you… I mean I’ve never—” Blowing out a breath, I force the words to leave my mouth despite wanting to crawl out of my skin at the admission. “The last person I had any kind of intimate contact with was Fallon.”
I stare at Blake, pleading with my eyes that he’ll understand what I’m trying to convey.
“Oh, huh,” he says, rolling his lips inward before rubbing his palm over his jaw. “You’re asking how it is being with a man after only being with women.” Blessedly the question is rhetorical.
“It’s awesome,”Cal mutters.
Blake smirks before returning his focus to me. “I was restless and I kind of used that time toexplorewhat I wanted. I was honest with partners about my experience, and more often than not, they were fine with that. I didn’t put any pressure on myself or them. If it didn’t work, we parted ways.”
Sighing, I deflate, unsure what I actually wanted to get out of this conversation. Maybe I wanted validation or even just the acknowledgment that he felt the way I am at one point too.
“Is he pressuring you?” Cal asks, his tone hard and his expression serious.
“No, of course not. I’m just overthinking every possible scenario to death and psyching myself out, especially when it comes to asking for things I think I want,” I lament and Blake nods.
“All right, how about this. If you’re feeling like you want to try something, there’s a good chance he’ll be down for it too.”
I watch as Blake’s gaze slides to Cal who blushes furiously and looks anywhere but at his boyfriend. The bit of levity has my lips twitching upwards.
Clearing his throat, Cal adds, “Think about what you like and do that to him. Pay attention to how he reacts and then go from there.”
I nod, taking it all in and letting it marinate. It makes sense, and if I’m being honest, I knew or could guess at all this before I got here.So why did I come?
“I don’t want to overstep,” Blake muses cautiously, “but you have nothing to be embarrassed about. Discovering your true self is a beautiful thing, and if the person you’re with can’t appreciate that, they’re not the one for you.”
“Swoon,” Cal says dreamily, and I snort out a laugh as Blake just shakes his head.
“Thanks, guys.”
