“I guess it’s just been nice to date him in a controlled space at either his house or here.” I motion around the kitchen. “Being out in public brought on a lot of insecurity I wasn’t ready for. Noise. And I panicked, I guess.”
“Are things okay now?”
“You know, it’s freaking me out that you’re being so levelheaded right now.”
He grins. “I can lock it down when it’s important andthis”—he motions to me—“is important.”
“Things are fine. I just surprised myself with how fast it went sideways in my head. I thought I was past all of it, but then the smallest test of that had me panicked and running.”
“Feelings are uncomfortable. I get it, but I don’t want you to run.”
Deacon’s words echo in my mind, the guilt that Ihadrun making it impossible to explain away.But hadn’t I run back to him too?
Shouldn’t that count for something?
“I know you have this idealized version of Fallon and me, but it wasn’t always like this for us. We fought hard to get here like everyone else. She’s my highest highs and my lowest lows, but I wouldn’t change it for anything.”
“So you’re saying I need to get over myself?” I ask, trying to infuse a little levity into this unusually somber conversation.
“I’m saying you need to give yourself some grace and stop worrying. You’re supposed toenjoythe ride.” He waggles his eyebrows and smiles like a fool, the combination making me bark out a laugh at histhankfullynormal antics.
“I’ll keep that in mind.”
“You do that.”
DEACON
TANNER: (blurry picture of Tanner reading to a young boy and girl)
TANNER: Sorry, Briggs tried to send that to Otto but you’re first in my list
DEACON: So I shouldn’t be turned on by the hot single dad right now?
TANNER: Not for another ten minutes
Chuckling,I put my phone on the counter and look around the kitchen that’s nearly complete. I have to hang the crown molding and touch up the paint in a few places, but it’s one more room off the list.
Warmth spreads through my chest like it always does when I think about finally giving this place to Jude, Arden, and Salem. My brother and I had purchased this place together years ago, and until he got involved with Arden, it had been our home.
He moved into her rental but that never sat right with me.
This should be a home for a family.
I didn’t see myself having one when I started the renovations here, and right now, I’m still not sure if it’s in the cards for me.
Tanner is incredible but it’s too soon to tell what will happen between us.
And that’s okay.
I promised I wouldn’t rush him, and aside from things escalating in his kitchen the other night, I haven’t.
TANNER: Both kids are in bed—Rosie got me to read an extra THREE books
DEACON: Sounds terrible LOL
TANNER: It is when everything rhymes and suddenly you can’t make words happen at all
DEACON: You’re welcome to read me a bedtime story anytime
