“And you’re creating one,” he fires back. “She still makes me feel like I can breathe and I don’t take that for granted.”
“You guys are perfect for each other,” I confirm, that pang of jealousy hitting me square in the chest becausethey made it.
“And you’re happier than you’ve been since I met you, but you’re afraid of being all in. There’s no such thing as bein’too happy,Tanner.You give so much to everyone else; it’s time to start takin’ some of that for yourself.”
“What about Briggs?”
“Donotuse your kid as an excuse. If anything, you’ll dote on him twice as much with another baby in the house.”
“I don’t dote on him,” I grumble, knowing Iabsolutelydote on Briggs so he never doubts I’m in his corner—that my whole life revolves around him.
“You do and that’s fine, but loving Briggs doesn’t prevent you from loving one or ten more kids if that’s what you want. You’re allowed to live, brother. Stop punishing yourself for a debt you’ve long since paid and for having parents who don’t give a fuck about anyone but themselves.”
Fuck.
There’s no way to stop the tears clouding my vision, and despite trying to blink them back, I still feel the wetness on my cheeks. I want to escape from this moment because it’s all too much.
But as I turn away, Sorren’s hand clamps down on my shoulder, and before I can fight it, he’s pulling me into him, his embrace steadying.
Strong.
Reliable.
If it was anyone else I might shy away, but Sorren’s opened himself up to me over the years—something that’s always humbled me—so I give in.
Leaning on him, I let him shoulder this revelation with me. I let him help carry the burden that’s been holding me back from truly living. He doesn’t mention that his shirt is wet where my tears have fallen and neither do I, both of us quiet, the room providing a momentary reprieve.
Because when we walk out that door, there will be no way to stop what happens next.
44
DEACON
“Thanks for bein’ there for Briggs tonight.”
“I was worried I overstepped.”
“No such thing in this family, brother.” He grins but it falls just as fast as it appears. “Fallon and I have been waiting for Briggs to make the decision on his own. She tries to call them and keep communication open, but they’re never the ones to initiate it and Briggs’s smile is never as bright when the conversation ends.”
“That’s hard.”
“It is but we didn’t want to force his hand if he wanted a relationship with Tanner’s parents.”
“And Tanner?”
“How do you tell a guy who’s been through as much as he has that he’d be better off cutting contact with the only other blood relatives he has?”
It’s a fair question and one I don’t have the answer to. I just wish Tanner wasn’t hurting. I wish Briggs hadn’t felt the need to carry his own guilt concerning his grandparents.
“Maybe if Tanner hears how Briggs is feeling, it’ll be enough to cut ties or at least put up some concrete boundaries with them.”
“Do you love him?” Otto asks, the question honest and forward but not entirely unexpected.
“I do.”
Otto hides his smile, his gaze searching out across the field and I wait, letting the silence settle between us.
“In my entire life, he’s the person who has challenged me the most,” he says, the words unexpected. “I wanted to hate him, you know? He stole my girl and I wanted tohate him.Because it took six years for Fallon to come back. But when she did, she had Briggs and I fell so hard for that kid. IknewI couldn’t hate Tanner because I couldn’t hurt his son.”
