Apparently, everyoneexcept mecould see how I felt about Deacon.
Swallowing hard, I push my nerves down as Deacon steps through the door, the bell jingling overhead as his eyes lock on mine. I’m frozen, captured by his stare, the rag halted on the tabletop as I wait forsomething.
But just as quickly as he caught my eye, his gaze continues around the room, most likely noting the people finishing up the last of their drinks.
“Is everyone cashed out?” Deacon asks, his normally jovial smile nowhere in sight, and my stomach sinks as I nod.
“Yes, they were told they had until you got here to finish up. We did what we could as people left.”
“We?”
“Bodhi was here earlier.” Blushing, I admit, “I sent him home as things calmed down.”
“Why?” Deacon asks, the question lacking warmth as he studies me.
“I wanted to see you.”I wanted you all to myself.“I haven’t seen you in a couple of weeks.” I force nonchalance into my tone even though there’s not a cell in my body that feels unaffected by the man in front of me. Instead of answering right away, Deacon shrugs one shoulder as he moves around to the other side of the bar to close out the register.
He looks up and says a quick goodbye to the last customers as they head out, and I hustle over to lock the door behind them.Jude had flipped the sign to “closed” when he left with Arden, but we still had to turn a number of people away.
Bussing the table, I carry their plates and drinks to the bar and set them on the polished wood.
“I decided that I’m done chasing you,” Deacon says as the register tape prints with enthusiasm.
I want to gape at him, but my time in the military thankfully won’t allow it. At least I have that going for me.
“I decided that I’m done chasing you.”
Flashes of what I’d said to Cal the day he pushed me back into the office float around the periphery of my mind.
Did I speak this into existence? Is this really how the universe is punishing me for not having my shit together?
“Deacon, I?—”
“It’s okay,” he says gently, the words so at odds with his size. He looks like he should be gruff and unapproachable, but he’s sweet and kind and apparentlyover me.Dammit. “We’re in different phases of life, and as much as I’d love to take you out…you’re not there yet.”
“I just?—”
“I know.” He holds his hands up in surrender. “And maybe someday we’ll align.”
“Iamthere. I know it took me a while to get here. Iknow.” I throw my hands out wide because it had takenmonthsfor me to get here.
So many months.
“Tanner.” Even though I can feel the dismissal in the way he says my name, I can’t help the flicker of want that surfaces either. “I can’t do this.”
“Can’t do…”
“This.” He motions between us with his hand as I stare slack-jawed at him.
Not…we can’t do this right now.
Not…we should take things slow.
This.
I can’t do this.
“I should have told you before that I’m?—”
