1 /Assistant 23
Everythingin the entire world was scary.
No, scratch that—everything in theuniversewas scary.
As I watched the village Maeleons set the banquet table full of food, familiar anxiety brewed in my stomach. It was Dai’zee’s first birthday, and everyone was gathered to celebrate. The whole village was invited, including me.
It should’ve been a fun event, but fun was never something I was good at.
I couldn’t recall a time when I didn’t feel anxious. I was born that way, and I’d die that way, too. My whole life has been just one big, warped ball of nerves.
Truthfully, I envied people without anxiety. Their lives seemed so much more… normal. They didn’t jump at shadows, balk at uncertainties, or work themselves into a tizzy over what-ifs.
But I did. And I didn’t know how to stop.
So when Paz invited me to the party, I didn’t know how to turn him down. Paz was one ofthosepeople. A relaxed, non-worrier. He could take a fucking meteor apocalypse in stride. He’d grinned and assured me I was welcome, but I’d been too nervous to think of a decent excuse to avoid attending.
Then I spent the two hours before the party fussing over everything that could go wrong. Half that time was fantasizing the various ways I’d screw something up. Dropping a slice of cake, or accidentally bumping my table neighbor, or making Dai’zee cry on her special day…
Hell, maybe I’d fail spectacularly and commit all three.
But if I stayed in my hut, I knew Paz would come and drag me to the party. Thinking of that embarrassing scenario was enough of a kick in the ass to just suck it up and go.
The table bustled with Maeleons and the three other humans in the village: Levi, Jaeyoung, and Paz. Despite being the same species as the men, I hadn’t grown any closer to any of them in the months I’d lived in the village. They were busy with their alien mates and children.
It was better that way. Talking to unfamiliar people was anxiety inducing.
The Maeleons were another story. The alien species was kind, warm, and accepting—but that didn’t help the visceral fear that gripped me anytime I was near one. They were massive, with the smallest adult easily clearing six feet. Bulging muscles rippled beneath their scaly bodies, intimidating horns jutted out from their heads, and sharp fangs filled their mouths, which were big enough to crunch a human’s head whole.
And if any of that wasn’t terrifying enough, their semen could alter your fucking DNA.
Wouldn’t anyone be afraid of that?
But I knew that wasn’t fair of me. Sure, the giant, animalistic aliens looked fearsome, but I didn’twantto be scared of them. I wanted to be like Levi, Jaeyoung, and Paz, who were effortlessly comfortable among the villagers. I wanted to benormal.
Unfortunately, I was doomed to be an anxious mess. Yay me.
The party started with singing Happy Birthday to Dai’zee. The humans led the Maeleons through the song, which washonestly kind of sweet. Everybody joined in. Except for me. I wasn’t much of a singer. If I tried, I’d probably sound like a dying goose.
After the song and the clapping, the bustling feast commenced. I did what I always did. I sat on the bench, hunched quietly as I waited for the initial rush to end. When it was over, and I was certain nobody was watching me, I picked at the leftovers. Thanks to the ever-present anxiety crushing my guts, I had a small appetite. A few fruits were enough to satisfy me.
I grabbed whatever looked edible and placed them on my lap for later. I never ate at the table. Not once. My hazmat suit stayed on whenever I was in public, and it was impossible to eat through the faceplate. Instead, I held onto my food and carried it back to my hut to eat privately like a neurotic squirrel.
That pretty much summed me up. An anxious little rodent. At least squirrels were good at climbing trees and finding food in the wild. All my niche skills were totally useless on the beautiful planet of Eukaria.
And squirrels were pretty cute, too. I couldn’t say the same about myself. I wasn’t the most attractive guy on New Earth to begin with, but after spending eight years swaddled in my ancient hazmat suit, I had certainly become the most pathetic-looking man in the galaxy…
I scrunched my shoulders, trying to make myself smaller. Flanking me on the bench were two big Maeleons. They were considerate and gave me space, but that didn’t stop me from feeling like I was taking up too much of it. I didn’t contribute much of anything to the village. All I did was eat their shared food and breathe their fresh air. All things considered, I was pretty useless.
I sighed, which briefly fogged up the inside of my faceplate before dissipating. Ignoring the conversations around me, I stared down at the oblong fruits in my lap. How much longerwould this party last? When could I retreat to my hut without seeming rude? If I got up and sneaked away right now, would everybody stare at me?
The thought nearly made me sick. I despised being the center of attention.
It’s better if I stay put. Wait it out like I always do…
If I were good at anything, it was waiting in solitude. After Unit 44 abandoned me on an alien planet, I spent eight years alone. I figured I was a goner. Left for dead. But I survived.
Maybe some unknowable cosmic entity wanted me alive. Maybe it was dumb fucking luck. Either way, I was here now, at a half-human, half-alien little girl’s first birthday party.
