I had to stop thinking about him. Desperate for a distraction, I grabbed the fruit from the table and scarfed it down.
The fruit Farr’vye brought to me.
I groaned through a mouthful of fruit pulp. This was another thing I hated about myself. Once a stressful event happened, I couldn’t let it go. Anxious thoughts clung like hooks in my mind, unshakable and maddening. It became impossible to redirect to less stressful topics.
I listlessly ate the remaining fruit until I was full. Anxiety tightened my stomach and shrank my appetite, so I never ate much. That was why I was so scrawny and weak beneath the suit. Any muscles I’d grown naturally were long gone. Not like I was ever an athlete, anyway. My talents laid in nerdy things. Linguistics, numbers, and hacking.
Things that were all completely useless on Eukaria.
There wasnothinginteresting about me. So why was Farr’vye so pushy about getting to know me?
I tried to stop thinking about it, which was easier said than done. Curling up in the back corner of my hut, I willed myself to fall asleep. Sleeping was less stressful than being awake.
But as I lay down and tried to relax, I noticed the body odor wafting out of my suit. I wrinkled my nose in distaste. I’d sweated my ass off during that stressful interaction with Farr’vye. I needed a bath, and my suit required laundering, too. Smelling awful wasn’t conducive to blending into the background.
“How bothersome,” I muttered.
Washing was always a chore because I had to wait until the whole village was asleep. I would creep away to the nearby waterfall, bathe quickly, gently scrub my suit, then put it back on as fast as possible. The manufactured material was quick to dry, but even still, it was often damp when I got back into it.
Dreading the immediate future, I waited with my eyes wide open until darkness fell upon the village.
My heart pounded in thick, sticky beats as I skulked toward the waterfall. Although I’d memorized the path by now, it didn’t make trudging through long grass and prickly plants any easier. My old hazmat suit wasn’t exactly in the best condition, so I had to be careful not to tear any new holes in it. I could only patch it up so many times before it became unwearable.
And I didn’t evenwantto think about that.
I heard the gentle sound of flowing water before I arrived. The rhythmic flow was relaxing. And by that, I meant it shearedoff maybe five percent of my anxiety. But I’d take what I could get.
I caught my breath at the pool at the base of the waterfall. Then I carefully looked around. Aside from tiny gnats, no living things were in sight. Humans and Maeleons were my biggest concern, but who knew what else shared this planet?
Except for the peaceful water, all was quiet. My surroundings were empty.
I swallowed the lump in my throat as I pushed back my face shield and hood. Then I slowly undid the zipper on the front of my suit, shuddering as the cool night air caressed my bare skin.
Years ago, I had underclothes, but they were cheaply made and rapidly fell apart. Only the hazmat suit stood the test of time. As much as I hated to admit it, the suit was thinning and fraying, too. But it was the only thing hiding my naked body from the world, so I did my damned best to take care of it.
The suit’s fabric pooled at my ankles. I stepped out of it, grabbed soap from the pocket, and went straight into the water. Ripples from the waterfall moved toward me in loose rings, but I tore my gaze away from their beauty to focus on my task. I had to be quick. The faster, the better.
Most of the time when I washed, I closed my eyes. I didn’t like to see my own body. I’d memorized every bony rib and limp muscles, so there was no reason to look. All it did was remind me of my inadequacy.
But closing my eyes made me susceptible. And paranoid. Once in a while, I’d peek my eyes open to ensure I was truly alone.
As I stared out into the dark foliage, I suddenly felt unnerved.
As if I were being watched.
Fear struck my whole being. My heart began to race, and the skin I’d just rubbed raw grew clammy with sweat again.
But I didn’t see anything—or anyone. Was I imagining things?
Ugh, I hate this…
I bit my lip to distract myself from the mental torture. I sped through my bath, then grabbed my suit. I did a half-assed job of washing it, but I didn’t care anymore. My skin prickled with hot nerves, and I wouldn’t be able to relax until I was back in my suit.
Time seemed to slow. As if in a bad dream, my movements took too long. I started to freak out. I had to get home immediately.
Crashing out of the pool, I shoved one leg into my suit, then the other. It was waterlogged—I was in too much of a hurry to even squeeze the moisture out—but I didn’t care. As long as I wasn’t naked, vulnerable, and exposed, I could handle any physical discomfort.
I’d just finished slamming my face shield back into place when the ferns rustled, and a massive shape stepped out.
