“Hm?” I say, snapping out of my trance to meet her eyes again. She looks at me with a raised eyebrow, but doesn’t say anything.
“I wanted to see if you wanted to watch a movie or something. I mean, I might fall asleep halfway through, but I just wanna spend some time with you alone. We’ve been around your people all weekend, and I miss having you to myself.” She chuckles, and I swear, I heard angels sing. She didn’t understand what her words did to me, but I fought off the feeling because now was not the time.
“Ye-Yeah, I’m down with that,” I assure her with a nod. “Pick out a movie and get the snacks ready. I’m gonna go take a quick shower.”
“Okay! I’ll see you in a bit.” She smiles before walking toward the kitchen.
I watched as her hips swayed and her ass bounced until she crossed the threshold. I groaned to myself as I dragged my hands down my face. Being in the friend zone was puretorture, but I knew it wasn’t the end of the world. No matter how much I wanted her, how much I wanted to be with her, I was never gonna cross that line until she gave me the okay…if she ever gave it to me.
I shook the thought out of my head and made my way upstairs. I stopped at Serenity’s room and peeked in to see her sound asleep. So, I carefully pushed the door open and went over to place a soft kiss against her temples. She stirred a bit, but didn’t wake. I made sure she was tucked in and then rubbed her head softly before turning to exit the room.
It only took about twenty minutes for me to shower, quickly run through my skincare routine, and throw on some comfortable clothes. By the time I made it back downstairs, Zee was stretched out on the couch, a throw blanket wrapped around her. There were snacks on the coffee table and a movie, ready to play on the screen.
As I slid onto the sofa beside her, I realized that she was snoring lightly. I let out a chuckle as I pulled a pillow onto my lap and guided her until her head rested on it. I leaned down to place a kiss on her forehead as well before pulling the blanket over her. I let her sleep as I watched the movie in silence. She’d been out in the sun all day, so of course she was tired. I’m not sure when I began to drift off, but soon, I could feel myself slipping, and I soon welcomed sleep.
CHAPTER 3
Good Friends & Good Food.
Zseyah - September 23rd, 2023
It had been almost a week, and I still couldn’t stop thinking about the way Jakayla had looked at me last Sunday. She’d come back to her house, and I thought it’d be nice to open the door for her, but as soon as she got a good look at me, she couldn’t take her eyes off me.
Now, I’m well aware that I’m fine as fuck. I’ve never thought otherwise, and yes, I have caught her stealing glances every now and then, but this was different. She had looked at me like she wanted to devour me right then and there, and as much as I wanted that, there was that little bit of anxiety at the back of my brain as usual. So, I ignored the feelings that bubbled up when her eyes traveled down my frame.
But just as quickly as she checked me out, she changed the subject. I always found peace in knowing that even if she ever did want to go there with me, she would wait until I brought it up first. Don’t get me wrong, I wanted every damn thing she’d give me if I gave her a chance. I wanted her kisses that were more than just a peck on the forehead. Iwanted to feel her hands on me in ways that made people think that we were more than friends.
Hell, I wanted tobemore than friends with her one day. I wanted the title. I wanted her to be mine, and I wanted to be hers. I wanted to finally be able to introduce her to my friends and family as my girlfriend, and not just one of my best friends. I wanted her so bad!
But I was scared…
Sashareallyruined relationships for me, and I hated that I still couldn’t get past that fear even after all this time. Every time I even thought about dating again, an intense wave of emotions washed over me, and I was sick to my stomach. It caused me so much anxiety and panic that I had to start seeing a therapist last year.
I was working through my trauma, but I knew that it was going to take time. That’s why I didn’t want to try to pursue anything with Kay. I was terrified that things would go south on that day, and then not only would I lose the one woman I’d loved for years, but I’d also lose one of the best friends I’ve ever had.
And Serenity might even lose her second mom.
I couldn’t have that.
So, I pushed my feelings to the back of my brain because I refused to ruin what we had. We were good where we were, and I was not about to piss off the universe by asking for more.
But every time I saw her, I wanted to drop to my knees for her. I wanted her to have me any way she pleased. I wanted to grip those thick muscles and then scratch up her back as she fucked me into next week. I knew for a fact that she knew how to work a strap. Shit, I knew that she couldmake a girl go crazy without one. I’d, unfortunately, heard a few of her escapades back in college when we used to live together, so I knew what type of time she was on…
“I just don’t get you, Zee,” my childhood best friend, Kenisha, says, pulling me back to reality. She thanks the waitress as she places our mimosas on the table.
Kenisha and I had been friends since 3rd grade. She always had my back, even from a young age, and she was like another sister to me. Our families got along well, and there’d been plenty of times growing up when we stayed over at each other’s houses or went on day trips with the other’s family. Even though she now lives in Texas, we still make it a habit to get together at least twice a month and to talk on the phone at least three times a week.
Yesterday, she’d flown in to attend her father’s retirement party, so we decided to go out today for brunch. Serenity was spending the weekend with my sister and her family. She had a daughter around her age, and they were the best of friends. So, I pretty much had the entire house to myself. I enjoyed the quiet, but it was lonely, especially whenever Kay was working, which was usually more than I was.
“What don’t you get?” I finally ask.
“Why you won’t hop on Kay’s silicone dick and ride that cowgirl into the sunset,” she says, and I almost choke on my drink. “What?! You know you want to.”
“Yes, but you know…”
“You don’t want to get attached and get your heart broken again. Yada yada ya,” she cuts me off, waving her hand dismissively. “Girl, I get that, but ain’t shit wrong with letting her blow your back out at leastonce. When’s the last time you had somebody do that for you, by the way?”
“Not since…” My voice trails off as my cheeks warm in embarrassment. “Before I got pregnant…”
