‘What’s it like, then?’
The killer question.
‘I don’t know. She’s pulling back, I think,’ he says. Such insufficient words for the maelstrom of feelings he’s experiencing. ‘She wonders about you.’
A beat of silence bounces between them. ‘Me?’
‘You often call when we’re together.’
Lorraine’s eyes roll.
‘And what do you tell her?’
He sighs. ‘Nothing.’
‘Nothing? You don’t tell her what I keep trying to get you to engage with?’ Her voice takes on a sharp edge.
‘Nope.’
‘Never?’
‘Never.’ He clears his throat.
There’s a long pause during which some other people peek into their booth, assess the seriousness of their conversation, then promptly leave.
‘Scott, you need to call this lady, and you need to explain. Everything. No wonder she’s pulling back if she hears you taking mystery calls from a strange woman every weekend and giving her no context to them.’
The idea tugs at his heart. Thinking back, last weekend, when Lorraine called, Heather said, ‘Lorraine? Again? Right.’ She hadn’t said anything more, and she certainly didn’t ask for clarification.
But does he have the strength to go there? The thought of opening up the old wounds and exposing himself to anyone – Heather included – feels enormous.
‘Scott. If this is someone you are really falling for – and I’m guessing it is – then call her. Now. And explain.’
‘But my promise to Lucy.’
Lorraine’s eyes turn to steel.
‘No. No. You don’t get to do that, Scott. We deserve happiness you and I . After all this time. You must not let a promise like that stand in the way of your future happiness. Nobody would want that. Nobody.’
They both know she’s talking about Lucy.
Lorraine waits until their return trip along the canal to bring up the two things that are most prevalent on her mind: seeing Brianna and mediation with Leon. Both things that Scott feels unable to countenance. How would Brianna, vulnerable as she currently is, cope with seeing her dead mother’s mirror image in her aunt? It’s triggering enough for him.
And his answer about Leon remains a hard no. He still can’t understand how a mediation session where Leon apologises on repeat will be of any benefit to either him or Brianna.
Lorraine accepts defeat on these matters with grace.
‘I knew it was too much of a push straight off. But promise me something, Scott? Will you think about it?’
Scott promises he will.
‘Oh, and one more thing,’ Lorraine says as they make their goodbyes. ‘That lady, Heather? Call her. Explain.’
Scott considers Lorraine’s words about Heather when he’s on the train home. She’s right, of course. It’s time to peel back the protective layers and let Heather understand the full range of conflict he’s dealing with every single time they meet. But he won’t do it by phone.
He’ll find a better way.
FRESHMAN PARENTS' ONLINE FORUM: ST ANDREWS UNIVERSITY
