NOW
Going from having someone to hold your hand through every excruciating period to being completely alone was a shock I couldn’t have prepared myself for.
It’s a kind of loneliness I never quite got used to that made my heart ache the same way my body did.
Nonetheless, Ronan’s presence over the last few days has been everything I’ve craved for so many years and yet will also be the thing that breaks me.
His show of kindness, the way he remembered everything I needed during this time of the month, and how I’ve wanted for nothing since he came down here and found me hunched over the toilet.
But that right there is the problem. It’s a lie. Because if it wasn’t, I wouldn’t be down here anymore.
If Ronan truly cared, if he really wanted me to be comfortable, he would have carried me upstairs to a real bed where I could be comfortable.
The fact that he’s stayed down here with me only proves he’s just as scared of his father as he was back then, and I’m not willing to let myself fall for his kindness, no matter how grateful I am for it.
Thankfully, the cramps have begun to fade, and the dull ache that’s taken their place is far easier to treat. The pain won’t be gone for a few more days, and then I’ll have a week of bliss without symptoms…if I live that long.
Like a bucket of ice water, I’m reminded that in just a matter of days I’ll be dead.
“Is it time for your meds?” Ronan asks groggily.
“No, I’m okay,” I whisper.
I’ve slept for most of the time he’s been down here, which means I have even less idea of what time it is than before my period started.
But maybe losing track of time isn’t such a bad thing when my days are numbered.
His palm rests over my lower belly where it’s been for days. It’s not as if his touch magically heals the pain there, but it’s the thought that brings tears to my eyes the same way it did all those years ago.
“You should go,” I murmur.
Ronan’s hold on me tightens, but he makes no move to leave. “Is that what you want?” he finally asks.
“It’s for the best. The longer you’re here, the harder it will be when the time comes.”
“When the time comes for what, Sparrow?”
My eyes press shut as my heart skips a beat at the nickname he gave me when we were stupid kids climbing trees in the garden.
“For you to kill me,” I choke on the words.
I’ve been going back and forth about which brother I would rather pull the trigger, but ultimately it won’t matter.
They each hold a piece of my heart, so it’s only fitting that one of them should have its final beat.
He’s quiet for so long I don’t think he’s going to reply at all, but his hold on me tightens to the brink of pain. It’s the welcome kind, though, not the agony that’s torn through me the last few days.
“I’m not going to kill you, Chloe.”
“But Damon will.”
“If it comes down to it, I don’t think he’ll be able to do it either.”
A laugh bubbles in my throat. “He fucking hates me and doesn’t make a secret of it. Ridding your family of me will be one of the best days of the asshole’s life.”
“He doesn’t hate you.”
A tear leaks from the corner of my eye because I wish that were true. I fucking long for the friendship Damon and I shared all those years ago, but he doesn’t feel the same way, and that’s something I made peace with a long time ago.
