What?
I hold my breath, and our eyes remain locked.Then I realize why.He wants to know if I’m pregnant.
“Look.”I walk into the penthouse further, wondering if I should tell him.My pride stops me.It’s not just that; Adam has been cruel, really cruel, and I’m still coming to grips with being infertile.
I wanted to be a mother.
I wanted to have a family and raise my children with love and respect.To break the cycle of addiction and experience what it feels like to live with joy and laughter in my home.
And this man is walking out of my life.He doesn’t want me.I won’t be pregnant, so all of this is a moot point.
“I know you’re worried, but—”
Zander holds up a packet.“Just do this.For me.”
It’s a pregnancy test.
I’m very familiar with them having done so many of them during my marriage.The sight of them creates an anxiety I didn’t know existed.
“Zander—”
“Come on Court, I deserve to know.Let’s put it behind us so we can move on.”
So thathecan move on.I could end all of this right now.With one word, I could reassure him that he’llneverimpregnate me.
But that kiss.
That damn kiss said more than I know he’s willing to say or likely even admit to himself.More than I’m sharing as well.
“Tell me, Zander.You’re not worried about me exposing our relationship or destroying your career.But the potential that I’m pregnant terrifies you.”
“It doesn’t terrify me.”He puts the box in my hand and nods toward the guest bathroom.“Both of us will be exposed if you report me.I doubt you want that.”
He’s right.
I’m just as much to blame.
“It could affect your settlement.There are several reasons you won’t,” Zander adds.“Most of all, I don’t think you’re a cruel person.”
I stare at the pregnancy kit, then back at him.
Resigning myself to the fact that I need to do this, and that it will be negative, I take a moment to study his handsome face.From here on in, we will return to our original roles.He will never kiss me.I can never touch him.I’ll never stand this close to him or see that tiny flicker of hope that I may be carrying his child.
I see it.
I know what it looks like.Adam had it many times when my period was late a few days.
You’d look beautiful pregnant...
A part of him wants it, he just can’t say it out loud.
“When I come out and you learn you’re not going to be a father, then what happens?”I challenge Zander, giving him the opportunity to tell me if he does feel something.
I wait.
I almost wonder if he’s going to answer as he stares for a long moment.
“Do the test,” he growls finally.
