Macie grins, looking at my daughter.Her gaze is warm, and I wish that her own mother was able to look at her that way.Those are dreams I've given up on though.I can't make someone want something that they don't."She's serious about it, huh?"
"Yeah, and always has been."
"So what do you normally do when she's busy watching?"
I shrug, palming my phone."I'm on like freaking level fifteen hundred on this stupid game I downloaded on my phone."
She laughs, throwing her head back.There's a real smile on her face, one that goes to her eyes."Just something to do to turn your brain off?"
"Yeah, I'm sure you get it.It's not easy, especially after what we see day in and day out.One night I downloaded it when I was trying to stop thinking about someone we arrested, and what I saw when we did.It took my mind off it all.It was literally blank.I'd never had that before," I shrug."So this has been my go-to since."
"It's better than the alternative that most of the people in our professions deal with.You aren't drinking, smoking, fighting, doing hard drugs, or using sex to cope.I'd say a little game on your phone is ideal, unless you're spending your lunch money on getting tokens."She grins.
I see what it costs her to grin, by the she grimaces right after.I wish I knew who this motherfucker was."I'm not doing that, but I did have to put myself on a budget.What do you do?"I ask, wanting to keep her talking.I know how I am when I get too deep into my head, and I worry she might be the same way.
"I watch a lot of horrible TV, listen to audiobooks, read romance, take a walk.Anything I can do to try and get my mind off of it.I spend a lot of time alone, but it's not what I love.Sometimes I feel as if I need a partner, or a really good friend, but unfortunately, Molly has a man now and she has no time for me."
I grunt in agreement."It's the same with Dakota.He and I weren't ever best friends, but we knew each other, and spent time together.They're totally up each other's asses now.I get it, but I miss hanging out."
She turns, pulling her knee up on the couch."Then maybe we can hang out with each other?"
"If you don't mind a kid who asks a ton of questions, and can sometimes be a pain in the ass."I nod toward Nic."It's really hard being a single parent, but I think it's probably worse being a single dad."
"She doesn't scare me.In fact, I think it's pretty fucking hot that you're a single dad.You take care of her, and it's obvious she adores you."
Glancing down at Nic, I let my gaze run over here, taking in how unbothered she is to be laying on the floor, watching her show."She's my life, and I would do anything to make sure she knows she's loved.Work extra hard at that," I take a drink of my water."Since her Mom left.I worry about her because she doesn't know what it's like to have a positive woman in her life."
She tilts her head to the side, looking at my daughter."Then while I'm here, I'll do my best to give her an idea of what that looks like.As long as it's good for you."
My throat tightens, and i know that at the end of this both Nic and I will probably be decimated, but I agree anyway."It is."
And with those words, she gives me a wink and slides off the couch, sitting next to her, even though I know it costs her a lot of pain.But she does it without complaint and that's everything I've always wanted.For the first time in a long time, I don't question it, I enjoy it, and hope like hell I'm not making a huge mistake.
Chapter9
Macie
I've never been the type of woman who thought she would do well with kids.As an only child my imagination was amazing, but patience has never been a strong suit.If there's one thing I know about children, it's that they require patience.
I sit next to her, grimacing when I pull my legs up to cross them.It costs me to sit here, but this girl is very important to Darren, and I want her to like me.Not because I want to impress him, but because I feel like she's just as important as he is.It's hard not to talk, because I'm a talker, and that's what I do to put people at ease when I'm in the room with them before I take their blood pressure and temperature.But I don't know this little girl, and I don't want to make any presumptions.
So instead, I just sit here next to her, watching the cartoon on the TV.
It's nice because my brain blanks out the way Darren was talking about his brain blanking out.
I'm not sure how long I sit here, just letting the world pass me by when I feel a hand touch my knee.It slightly startles me, and I jump.But then I look down and realize it's Nic.This is the first step, right?I reach over and put my hand in hers.
"I love show," she says out of nowhere.
My heart pounds and chest squeezes as I look into the same eyes her father has."Do you?"
She nods."We watch it all the time."Or whatever she mumbles.
"Why do you love it so much?"
The smile that spreads across her face is big."Doggie!"
Darren groans from where he sits behind us."She desperately wants a dog.She keeps trying to talk me into it, but I just don't have the time for it right now."
