Darren's a few steps away when he turns back around, walking backward toward the doors, that same easy grin still on his face."I love you.See you at home."
He's already turning back around, already pushing through the exit doors with Van right behind him, by the time the words actually land, and I'm standing there frozen at the nurses station with my lemonade halfway to my mouth, heart pounding loud enough I swear the whole ER can hear it.
He said it like it was normal, like we say it to each other all the time.He said it like it was the kind of thing you only say without meaning to when it's already true and you just haven't caught up to saying it out loud yet.
"Girl."One of the nurses at the desk, an older woman named Patricia who's worked here longer than I have, looks at me over the top of her glasses with a knowing little smile."You gonna go after him or just stand there?"
"I don't—" I laugh, pressing my hand to my chest like that's somehow going to slow my heart down."He didn't even realize he said it."
"Oh, he realized."Patricia goes back to her charting.She’s acting like she didn't just upend my entire nervous system."A man doesn't say something like that on accident.Might not have planned it, but he meant it."
I glance toward the doors he just disappeared through, still able to picture the easy way he said it, no hesitation, no second thought, just three words tossed over his shoulder on his way to a hunting call like it was the most natural thing in the world.
Three days ago I was terrified of what my life was turning into.Now I'm standing in the middle of my ER, lemonade in hand, replaying the moment a man told me he loved me for the first time, completely unprompted, in front of half my coworkers and his own rookie partner.
Molly reappears at my side, clearly having heard at least part of it from wherever she was hiding around the corner."Did he just say what I think he said?I heard about that all the way up in L&D already.”
"Yeah."I can't stop the smile spreading across my face, wide and a little dazed."Yeah, he did."
"Girl."She grabs my arm, practically bouncing."You have got to tell me everything, right now, before my next patient buzzes me."
"Later.I promise.I need to actually process what just happened first."I take another sip of my lemonade, trying to steady myself before my break ends and I have to go back to acting like a functioning adult instead of someone floating three feet off the ground."But yeah, he said it.Just like that."
"And?Are you gonna say it back?"
I think about it, about the rain-soaked porch two nights ago, about him telling me he didn't want me to leave once this was all over, about how easy it's felt living in his house, dancing with his daughter, falling asleep against his chest every single night since I showed up on his doorstep scared out of my mind.
"Yeah."The word comes out much more sure than I expect."I think I am."
Molly squeals, quiet enough not to draw attention from the rest of the desk, and pulls me into another hug before her pager goes off and she has to disappear back into the chaos of the L&D.I finish my lemonade slower than I probably should, savoring the last few minutes of my break, savoring the strange, warm feeling of a man saying he loves me on his way out the door to go deal with someone's hunting complaint, like loving me is just another normal part of his day now.
I head back to my own patients a few minutes later, but the whole rest of my shift, no matter how busy it gets, some part of me stays back at that nurses station, replaying those five words over and over, letting myself believe, for the first time in longer than I can remember, that something good might actually be happening.
Chapter18
Darren
"Just because you've seen other people hunt on this property before doesn't mean it's a free pass for everyone who wants to," I reprimand the nineteen year old who thought it was okay to trespass and hunt on someone else's land.
He sighs."Dude they are no signs posted."
I sigh right back."Dude," I point behind him."They're right there.You just didn't look."
If looks could kill, I'd be dead."You right, you right.What are you going to do?"
It takes everything i have not to roll my eyes, but I look over at Van."What are you going to do?"
"Me?"He points to himself like there's someone else I'm talking to.
"Yes, you.Now's your time to shine, Rookie.Let's go.What do you recommend?"
The kid looks at my partner."C'mon man, it was an honest mistake."
That motherfucker on purpose missed the sign that said no trespassing.I know that as well as I know anything, but I'm going to let Van handle this.He has to be secure with making his own decisions and standing behind them.I'm going to be disappointed in him if he doesn't at least cite this kid.
"It would've been an honest mistake if there wasn't a sign right there asking you not to trespass.You're getting a ticket with an appearance in court."
Yes, that's exactly what I wanted this kid to get.I stand to the side, and wait as Van gives his first ticket.When it's done and the kid stomps away back toward his truck, I grin over at Van."You did good.I thought he was going to convince you to let him off with a warning there for a second, but you pulled through.Good job, Rookie."
