“Get out of the truck, Mabel,” I said with a growl, throwing open the passenger door and making my way to the front door.I’d been told by many people on the island already that it wasn’t a place you needed to lock your doors, but I wasn’t ready to follow that custom just yet.I punched in the code and stepped inside, grateful that I hadn’t bothered to throw up all the blinds and the place was dark and cool.I collapsed onto the couch and placed a pillow over my face to really make the space dark.
Herclomp-clompup the porch steps and the jingle of the keys alerted me to her presence.“I managed to figure out how to turn the truck off.No thanks to you.”
“You’re 2e gifted.I figured you’d get it eventually.”
“So, what did Dawn have to say?”
“Ca-can you grab me some Tylenol and a big glass of water, Mabes?”
She didn’t say anything, but a moment later, she set down a glass on the coffee table beside my head.“Here.”
I pulled the pillow away to find her standing over me, holding out her hand and two Tylenol caps.I took them, tossed them into my mouth, and reached for the water, draining the glass.“Thank you.”Then I reclined back down and put the pillow back on my face.
“What did Dawn say?Did it involve Kyla?”
I liked that my daughter never referred to her mother as “Mom”.It was always “Kyla.”Because Kyla had never been a mother to Mabel.She held her for an hour, then she was mine and I never took her to see Kyla, not once.She didn’t deserve to know her daughter.She’d also never submitted a formal request through her lawyer to see her.
“Kyla’s parole hearing was today,” I said.“Dawn and Irv spoke at it.”
“And?”
Despite the fact that the Tylenol had obviously not kicked in yet, I rallied for my kid and sat up, removing the pillow from my face.
I encouraged her to sit down on the coffee table across from me, and I did my very best to focus on her round, slightly-pimply face.“She was granted parole, honey.Kyla is getting out of prison.”
Mabel’s nostrils flared, and a flicker of rage flashed behind her eyes.“Why?What she did was wrong.Sowrong.Illegal.Worse than a thirteen-year-old driving without a license.What she did was … Dad, it was gross.Why are they letting someone who did something so gross and so wrong, and illegal, out of prison?”
“Because despite Dawn and Irv’s best efforts to convince the parole board that Kyla isnotsomeone capable of rehabilitation, empathy, or remorse, the parole board believed otherwise and said she’s served her time and deserves a second chance.”
“That’s bullshit.”
“Mabel—”
“You said that swear words could only be used when I understood the impact of them.And when there wasn’t anything more fitting to use.Well, this is total bullshit, Dad.Kyla is a monster.You couldn’t keep what she did to you a secret from me, and I’m glad that you didn’t.She doesn’t deserve to walk the same streets as other people.”Tears welled up in her honey-brown eyes.“It’s not fair.It’s not fair to you.It’s not fair to me.Is she going to try to get custody?Can she do that?”
I could see the panic spiral forming around my child.It was something I was all too familiar with.
Even though things were easier now that she was older—we had her diagnosis, support systems in place, resources and tools—she was still prone to abrupt reactions and anxiety attacks.She’d had them ever since she was about four.It was the routines in preschool getting disrupted that first started to set her off.The amount of times Dawn, Irv, or I had to go pick her up early because she started to freak out was more than I wanted to remember.
She stood up from the coffee table and started to pace, shoving her hands into her blonde hair the way I did when I was stressed.“I won’t go with her.Not for a weekend, not for a minute.I don’t want anything to do with her.I don’t ever want to see that wo—thatmonster.I might share half of her DNA, but she’s not my mom.She’s not my parent, and I don’t want to see her.”
I needed to use the table to help myself stand up, but I went to her and put my hands on her shoulders, applying a bit of pressure.“I know.I know.I’m not going to let her take you away.You’re mine.Sole custody.Forever and always.”
“Until I’m eighteen.”
“You know what I mean.”
Her entire slender body trembled beneath my hands, and her eyes darted wildly around the room.“I agreed to move here because you said it was as far away from her as we could get while still staying in the country.Maybe we need to leave the country.We could go to Brazil.They have lots of cool birds in Brazil.Or … or Borneo.They have rainforests there.We could work at an animal rescue sanctuary.I can go to school anywhere, and you can get a job teaching anywhere.I see ads online all the time for ESL teachers.You could do that.She’d never find us in Borneo.”
The pounding in my head was like a bass drum.I could barely hear her at this point and had to resort to reading her lips.
Applying a bit more pressure to her shoulders, I spoke softly.“I don’t even know if she’s allowed to leave Florida.We’re safe here.”
“Are we, though?How do you know that?How do you know she’s not going to find us here and try to take me away?”
“Mabel, you’re spiraling.Come on now, quick.Five things you can see.”
She growled, but her darting eyes slowed down.She focused a bit more.“I see … I see the drapes.I see the dark-blue drapes.”
