My cheeks heat as I look away from her and glance at Jake, watching him as he swipes through movies. I do my best to limit his time in front of the TV, so he’s always excited when we have pizza and movie night.
Olivia already knows about the night I spent with Logan—she encouraged it. I didn’t give her all of the spicy details, but she knows that we slept together. Before that night, I had only ever been with Ryan, and I hadn’t been with anyone since losing him. I fill her in on running into him at the store, finding out that he’s a firefighter and has already met my son thanks to the fire safety demonstration at the school, and about him coming into Lori's to get my number. By the time I’m done recounting all the details, she’s smiling.
The pizza being delivered gives me a moment to catch my breath as I step away and tip the driver. When I set the box down on the coffee table along with a stack of paper plates and napkins, the look on Liv’s face tells me what she’s going to say before she even opens her mouth.
“You like him,” she says. It’s not a question. She knows she’s right. Idolike him. But that’s the part that scares me.
“I do. I mean, I don’t know him that well yet, but… he gives me butterflies, and that’s not a feeling I thought I’d ever have again.”
Olivia nods her head in understanding. “It’s been six years, Tess. You deserve a second chance at finding love.”
I sigh, leaning back and sinking into the cushions. “I don’t even know how to date. Or flirt. Or doanyof this anymore.”
She laughs. “You had that man following you around like a lost puppy at the bar. Full on spilled your drinks on him, and hestillwanted you in his bed. And now he’s going out of his way to show up where you work, just so he can get your number? He’s interested, and he isn’t going to walk away easily.”
“I still haven’t responded to his text.” He didn’t say much. All he sent was a short message letting me know it’s him so I could save his number, but his text is still taunting me.
“What!” She playfully swats my arm. “You can’t just leave him hanging. You need to text him back.”
“And say what?”
“Just say hi and see how long he takes to respond,” she says. “If he’s as down bad as he seems, he’s probably waiting around with his phone in his hand.”
I swear I can feel the weight of his message every time I pick up my phone. It only grows heavier as Jake decides on an animated movie about a plane that wants to learn how to fight fires. As the three of us settle in, I’m doing my best to pay attention to the movie, but it’s one we have watched dozens of times, and I’m itching to finally reply to Logan.
When the movie is over and Liv is gone, I keep myself busy by helping Jake get ready for bed. He insists he isn’t tired, but his eyes are alreadyhalfway closed by the time he’s dressed in his superhero pajamas and crawling into bed. Our normal bedtime routine includes reading a book every night, with the exception of our Friday movie nights. He’s usually too tired to keep his eyes open for more than a page or two. I sit with him for a few minutes, rubbing my hand in soothing circles over his back to help him fall asleep. I’ve done it since he was little, and it’s a habit I’m not ready to break.
“I love you, buddy,” I say softly, brushing the tousled strands of his blond hair back off his forehead. His soft, deep breaths are the only response I get. I know there will come a day when he’s “too old” to be tucked in, but I refuse to believe that day will come any time soon.
As much as I know I should climb into bed and try to get some sleep, I’m too focused on the thought of texting Logan back to get any real rest. It’s been hours since he came into Lori's. Would it be weird to text him back now? It’s just after nine o’clock, which is probably considered still early to most, but I’m an in-bed-by-eight-thirty kind of person. Most people seem to keep their phones permanently on vibrate or silent—odd for a generation who spent most of their teenage years trying to pick out the perfect ringtone. It’s not like I would really be bothering him if I did text back this late.
Pulling in a deep breath, I sink further beneath the blankets and lean back against the headboard as I grab my phone from the nightstand. My heart kicks in my chest when I see thenew message notification displayed across the top of the screen.
The timestamp shows the message came in well over an hour ago, and it gives me hope that he might still be awake.
Logan:No pressure or anything, and I know you’re busy, but I would love to take you out sometime.
With as supportive as Liv is, I know if I needed someone to watch Jacob for a few hours while I went out with Logan, she wouldn’t hesitate. She’s been my best friend for as long as I can remember, and she adores him. Smiling, I scrape my teeth over my bottom lip as I tap out a response.
Me:Hypothetically speaking… What would we do?
There. Simple and to the point. A few dots appear at the bottom of the screen, indicating that he’s typing out a message. I guess he’s awake after all.
If he’s as down bad as he seems, he’s probably waiting around with his phone in his hand.
Logan:Hey there, darlin’. I was starting to think you’d already blocked me.
Logan:Well, that depends.
Me:On what?
Logan:On what you like to do. Would you prefer to keep it casual, or would you want to get a little more dressed up?
I used to love taking the time to get dressed up for a date. Curling my hair, doing my makeup a little heavier than normal, picking outthe perfect lingerie to wear beneath whatever dress I’d chosen for the night. It almost feels like that version of me doesn’t exist anymore. Now, I’d much prefer the laid-back atmosphere of a casual date. My body is different than it used to be. I’ve always been plus size, but things tend to sit differently after having a child, and I don’t think I would even know how to properly dress up for a date without Liv’s help.
Me:Can we keep it casual for now?
Logan:We can do whatever makes you comfortable.
