Tessa and Jake feel like mine.
Likehome.
I have been searching for the feeling for years. Moving to Hartridge, being at a smaller station, and being closer to my brother was meant to give me what I was looking for. I suppose it did for a while. But I always felt like something was missing. It wasn’t until I met this breathtaking, feisty, resilient woman that I realized what that something was. Having a family of my own to come home to and enjoy all of life’s little moments with has always been something I wanted. I never anticipated that family would come in the form of a woman who has had to face more than most ever will, and a five-year-old boy who had a piece of my heart the moment he stood up at the fire safety demonstration and proudly announced that his daddy had been a police officer.
My heart sank when Tessa first told me about her late husband and all that she had been through. I didn’t know how I was going to fit into her life or if she was ready to date someone new. The last thing I wouldever do is try to replace the love she lost, but I needed to know her heart was open to being loved and falling in love in return.
I love her.
The thought comes to me as I’m slicing an apple for her son. He’s sitting at the kitchen table, his legs swinging happily as he waits. He’s still wearing all of his toy battle gear, and his hair is wild from running around the house while we played, but he looks happy.
I set the plate of apple slices in front of him, along with a cup of water. He reaches for the water first, taking a few big gulps, then snatching a few slices from the plate. “Let’s build a fort,” he says loudly, sliding off his chair and darting back into the living room. I swear this kid is running on an infinite power source. He hasn’t slowed down since Liv dropped him off.
“Alright, J man. We’re gonna grab the cushions off the couch, and we need a few blankets.” I grab the blanket draped across the back of the couch and set it aside as he pulls the cushions off one at a time. Getting them arranged in a way that they don’t collapse is always the hardest part, but his excitement keeps my frustration over the falling cushions at bay as we maneuver them into different places.
“We need more pillows,” he shouts, running off down the hall. He comes back with the pillows and comforter from his bedroom and dumps them on the floor.
“Hmm.” I look around the room, trying to find something else we can use that will add a bit more stability. “Think your momma will mind if we use the kitchen chairs?” I ask.
“Oh yeah, the chairs!”
It’s the only answer I get before he runs to the kitchen, the distinct sound of a chair being dragged filling the room. I shake my head with a laugh and follow after him. I take over, grabbing the chairs and tasking him with deciding where we should put them. The entire ordeal takes maybe thirty minutes. Once we have the fort built and the inside loaded with soft blankets and pillows, he insists we have to hang out there and drags in a box of his LEGO.
Lying on the floor on my side with the pile of colorful building blocks between us, I’m exhausted, but my heart is full.
Eventually, he finally tires out and asks if we can put on a movie instead. Pulling up the streaming apps on their television, he tells me which one has his favorite movie. It’s been a solid decade since I last watched an animated movie. I’m not familiar with any of them, but his smile over the little plane that becomes a firefighter has me settling in to watch.
I can’t help but wonder if his interest in firefighting has anything to do with me or if it’s merely because he’s five and loves anything remotely related to superheroes.
“Logan?” His voice is so low, I almost miss him saying my name.
“Yeah, bud?” I pull my phone out of my pocket, preparing to check my messages to see if Tessa has left the diner yet. He’s probably going to ask when his mom will be home, and I want to be ready with an answer.
“Are you gonna stay?”
The question catches me off guard. Does he think I would leave him home alone? “I’m not leaving until your momma gets home. I wouldn’t leave you here by yourself.”
“No. With my mom. You’re not gonna leave her, right?”
Fuck, my heart.
I don’t want to make a promise I can’t keep, but I also want to comfort him. If life has proven anything, it’s that we don’t always get a say in how our futures turn out. Shit happens, and we have no choice but to persevere. I can only imagine the impact losing his dad has had, even though he’s never met him. Especially at school, where so many children talk about their families, and some teachers still say things like “give this paper to your mom and dad” instead of using a more inclusive term like “your parents” or “your grownups.” Honestly, I never gave it much thought until I met them.
Knowing what they’ve been through, I’m careful with my next words. “I don’t plan on going anywhere, buddy.”
Chapter thirty
Tessa
BythetimeKatemakes it to the diner, I'm feeling drained and on edge. The guilt of having another person watch my son because I have to work still sinks in and digs its hooks into me nearly every time. I know I’m not the only mom who feels this way, but that doesn’t make the guilt any less. I should be able to be there for him for every moment, and if life hadn’t gone the way it did, I wouldn’t be stuck working at the diner.
Lori and Hank have become a second family to me, but working at the diner wasn’t supposed to be a lifelong career. My dreams and ambitions have changed over the years, now mostly centered around what would be best for my son. Yet the older he gets, the more expensive everything becomes. I don’t know how much longer working at the diner will suffice, which is why I had to take the offer to work a couple of extra hours. Between the hourly wage and tips, I should be able to start working on Jake’s Christmas wish list, even if it’s just a few of the smaller items.
My feet feel heavy as I trudge up the porch steps, pausing at the front door to listen. Soft, warm light peeks out through the curtains covering the large front window. The sound of Jake’s current favorite movie filters through, and a smile crawls across my face as I unlock the door and step inside.
The couch cushions, kitchen chairs, and what appears to be every blanket they could find have all been used to build a fort in the living room in front of the television. The remnants of a Nerf battle litter the floor, and I have to stifle a laugh as I move around their fort. Logan’s long legs are stretched out of the fort’s entrance. His eyes meet mine as I bend down to peek inside.
“Momma,” Jake exclaims, crawling out from their creation and climbing to his feet. He runs to me, wrapping his arms around my waist in a hug. I crouch down farther, returning the hug as I press a kiss to the top of his head. “We made a fort. Isn’t it so cool?” The excitement in his voice is contagious, and it has me laughing as he grabs my hand and drags me toward it.
