Thank you also for looking after me while my ankle healed. I have no doubt that without you, I would have died. For that alone, I am forever in your debt. I’m grateful for everything you did for me, a total stranger. I can never repay your kindness for allowing me to live here. I was lucky enough to get to know you and fall in love, and I think you might love metoo. I hope you care enough to forgive me for leaving without saying goodbye.
If I had to speak to you after what we shared last night, I would have stayed and felt guilty forever. But now is not our time. I have unfinished business at xTerra.
Right before I left, my mother called me a traitor and said she wanted to cast me out, that I was dead to her. You’ve heard some of that before. She wasn’t an easy parent, and I deserved better than her harsh words. I let her words drive me away. I need to face her, if only to stand up to her and tell her how I feel.
I also worry about what the Slains may be up to this winter. Just before I left, I allowed a family to enter xTerra and join our community. They were previously subjugated by the Slains, and it has weighed on me that there may be repercussions for their escape.
I need to be sure my choices did not spark the war that seems inevitable. I couldn’t live with myself if my actions cause harm, especially when I’m not there to help defend my community. When I joined the Watch, I made a promise, and I need to see it through.
I’m leaving a map to xTerra on the back of this letter. If you need me, you’ll know how to find me, even if the distance between us is enough to be dangerous. Show the map to the gate guards and ask for Cam Montgomery. Someone will find me.
Last but not least, you need to know that if I can, I hope to return someday. I would live here with you in a heartbeat and cherish you as you deserve.
You matter to me, and I’m sorry I can’t stay. Be safe and know you are loved.
Yours,
Cam
Lissa’s first instinct was to crumple the paper and toss it in the fire, but she resisted the impulse and reread the letter. She couldn’t help but admit Cam’s leaving was easier this way. He’d been brave for both of them, though she wished she’d known that was his plan, so it had not been a shock. But he was also courageous. He believed in returning to xTerra to fulfill his vow and to set his mother straight. Part of her wanted to follow, force this to be their time, but she couldn’t. She had to let him go.
If they were fortunate, maybe he’d find his way back.
Chapter 14: Cam
Cam flattened himself against the icy ground, his heart pounding as he slithered through the powdery snow toward the peak of the ridge. Staying low, he peered across to the other side. He’d been lucky to spot the smoke of an early morning fire before stumbling into a strange camp so close to where he’d spent a freezing night without a fire. The tantalizing aroma of bacon and the acrid smell of wood smoke were stronger overlooking the camp. Four men sat around the blaze, heaping breakfast plates balanced on their laps while they ate.
His stomach gurgled. In contrast, he’d crunched a cold breakfast bar of stale oatmeal and dried fruit. Without changing position, he glanced left, then right. Another man stood at attention a couple of hundred yards beyond Cam’s prone position along the same ridge.
He sank lower and shifted further into the branches of the naked bushes. He squinted as the pale dawn slid into early morning. Cam had been right to be cautious, as he didn’t recognize anyone as being from xTerra. While the scene below seemed ordinary, the jeep behind probably belonged to the Slains. They had attached a metal blade to the front of the vehicle so they could plow the road and travel from their compound, even during winter. He didn’t like how comfortable they seemed so far from their stronghold.
This was the third patrol he’d run across in twenty-four hours.
Cam’s ankle throbbed from the hard trekking he’d done the last several days. His foot tired too quickly for a full day’s journey, and the deep snow had made travel treacherous. His three-day hike had already stretched to five, and he had at least another full day to reach the outer gate at xTerra. More if he had to detour to evade enemy patrols. This level of occupation to the south was an unexpected concern.
He ducked his head, his chin pressing into the cold snow, when the guard shifted position. Cam hoped his gray jacket provided enough camouflage in the early morning light. He’d have to report their increased presence to Captain Wilson immediately upon his return.
When the guard once more faced the opposite direction, Cam held his breath and slid down the hill, collected his pack, and headed north. He walked in the soft snow at first, judging silence a priority over speed. He kept the ridge between himself and the unwelcome men nearby, his shoulder blades prickling as he traveled.
Once he’d gone several hundred yards, he crossed another ridge, slipped into his snowshoes and broke into a trot, listening for man-made sounds but thankfully hearing only the whisper of the morning breeze. Soon, sweat streamed down his face and sides. Several times, he stopped to catch his breath before pushing on. His foot throbbed. Man, he was out of shape. He’d have to improve his fitness again now that his ankle was on the mend.
In late morning, well away from the strangers’ camp, he startled half a dozen antelope bedded down at the base of the ridge, hidden in the sagebrush. He almost had a heart attack when they leaped to their feet and dashed away in a single-file line. He watched them run, letting his heart rate subside.
With a lump in his throat, he pushed on. If the Slains patrols spotted his tracks in the snow, he’d be easy to follow, but his best bet was to stay ahead and out of sight. His advantage over them was that he didn’t need to stick to the roads. Even with snowplows, the jeeps wouldn’t make it far off-road.
Once, the distant whine of a vehicle carried on the chill breeze, so he slumped against a clump of jagged rocks jutting from beneath the snow, hoping for the limited camouflage they’d provide. He waited. The engine sounds drew nearer. Cold seeped into him, and he held his breath.
Heart drumming, Cam waited until the sound disappeared before returning to his feet. He struggled for a few minutes, floundering away from the cracked rocks to flatter, crunchier snow where it was easier to hike on top. For the hundredth time since leaving Lissa, he was thankful for his snowshoes. Even wearing them, he broke through in places, slogging painfully until he reached more stable footing. Without snowshoes, this trip would have been nigh impossible.
Reminded of Lissa’s generosity, his thoughts about leaving her soured his mood. Maybe he should have stayed for the rest of the winter. Maybe he could have convinced her to visit xTerra in the spring together. He could have confronted his mother then. Afterward, he could have left xTerra with Lissa to return to Crawford with a lighter conscience. He’d been so fixated on returning as soon as he’d healed, he hadn’t considered other possibilities until it was too late.
However, this close to the bunker city, he’d see his mission through before leaving again.
Cam had left Lissa a map and directions, half hoping she’d follow. The ache in his chest persisted. She didn’t want to live in a crowd of people, and she wouldn’t want to endanger her cats in this frigid weather. Now, after the tense trek evading enemy patrols, especially along the road, he prayed she stayed home.He’d rather she were safe than close. The idea that she might be caught along the dangerous route made his gut clench.
He pushed his goggles into place as the sun emerged into a patch of blue sky, peeking through the overcast skies. It glinted off the expanse of ice-crusted, sparkly white stretching in all directions—and kept hiking. Several times throughout the everlasting day, he took quick breaks for a mouthful of water, to catch his breath, and to check his compass heading. Out in the open, it would be easy to get disoriented, but he was an experienced orienteer and made decent progress.
At midday, Cam spotted another spire of gray smoke in the distance, dark against the overcast sky. He adjusted his course again and forged ahead.
