Later,I call Samuel and ask if he has any spare slots today, as I need a session as soon as possible. JJ pops over to look after Skye, and I know she’s in good hands.
Maya slides her hand in mine as we enter Samuel’s room and gives me a supportive squeeze.
“Hey, Finn,” Samuel says politely. “And Maya, it’s good to meet you.”
“And you.” She smiles.
“Take a seat.”
We do as he says, and I struggle to look my therapist dead in the eye.
“How are you today?”
I shrug with a sigh. “Not so great.”
“What’s been going on?”
My chest tightens, and the words are on the tip of my tongue. I know speaking them into existence means they’re my reality, but maybe that’s a good thing. Maya smooths her thumb over my knuckles, reminding me I’m not alone. I can do this.
I glance at her, my support system. The only woman on this Earth I don’t want to let down again. She deserves better, and I want to be that man. How could I see the best thing in my life in front of me and want to sabotage it?
Samuel is patient as I say, “I relapsed last night.”
“Okay, would you like to talk about the lead-up to that? For us to try and figure out your triggers, and then we can work through a future plan if you ever feel like that again.”
I’m nodding before he even finishes speaking. “Yes, I think we should do that.”
Samuel gives me a supportive smile. “Okay. Let’s start with what’s been going on over the last few weeks, and the earliest you felt a change or the need for alcohol to cope. Whenever you’re ready, take your time.”
I inhale a large breath, let it all out, and leave everything on the table because I can’t physically hold it in anymore.
“I’m so proud of you,”Maya says as she kisses my arm.
“For going to therapy?”
“For talking about it,” she states. “I didn’t know you felt half of that stuff. I know you probably think that you’re bothering me, but you’re not. I want to hear it. That’s what a relationship is, Finn. Would you ever be annoyed if I came to you when I was having a rough time?”
My brows pinch together. “Never.”
“Exactly,” she breathes out. “And I feel the exact same with you. We’re a team and always will be. If I can help, I will, but I just want to know what’s going on in that head of yours. Let me in, Finn.”
I purse my lips for a moment. “I know, it’s just…talking about it is hard sometimes. Doing it with Samuel is draining enough, but I know I can’t keep things bottled up with you if I want my recovery to be successful.”
Maya squeezes my hand as we reach my car. “It’s not going to be easy, but we both know it’s worth it. All I want is for you to be happy and healthy and to talk to me when things get hard.”
“Yeah,” I whisper as I stare down at her. “I’ll try to be better. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
She presses up onto her toes and leaves a kiss on my lips. “Well, I’m not going anywhere. No matter how many times you push me away.”
The journey home is quick, and as soon as we step through the front door, I pause when I find my parents sitting on the sofa with JJ and Skye. Maya brushes my side with her hand.
“I thought it would be good for you to see them,” Maya whispers. “And to see the amazing support system you have around you.”
My mother takes long strides to reach me before wrapping her arms around my body. I embrace it and lower my head down onto hers. She says nothing, but her maternal touch heals my broken heart a little.
When she pulls away, my father steps forward and takes my face in his hands. His eyes are glistening, and it immediately makes my body start to shudder as I try to hold myself together.
“I love you, son,” he says with sincerity.
