“Yep.” I fake a smile.
When we’re dismissed, Jade steps to my side and nudges me gently. “You good?”
No.I’m far from good, and I barely listened to a second of that lecture. It’s been three days since we slept together, and I might as well not exist. He texted me the day after, but since all of my texts have gone unanswered, and I feel like a fool.
There’s a small, nagging part of me that thinks that’s all he wanted from me, but at the same time, he never pressured me into it. It was my choice, so I don’t have a clue what’s going on or why I’m being given the silent treatment.
Did I do something wrong?
Was I so terrible he had to ghost me?
Does he hate my naked body?
Jade steps in front of me as we reach the canteen. “Maya?”
My eyes clock familiar blond hair leaving the opposite side of the building. I’ve not seen him around campus since, and I’m not letting him get away until he explains to me what the hell he thinks he’s playing at.
“I’ll see you in class, Jade.” I excuse myself before running in the direction of Finn. I flare my nostrils as I speed up behind him. “Hey,” I call out loudly.
Finn immediately stops at the sound of my voice, and he turns to face me. I pull back an inch as I examine his droopy eyes and pale complexion. I’ve not seen him look this bad since…well, I don’t think I’ve ever seen him look this bad at all.
“Maya,” he croaks as if he hasn’t spoken in days.
I fold my arms over my chest. “Care to explain why the hell you’ve been ignoring me as soon as you fucked me and took my virginity?”
He flinches, looking around before shaking his head. “I’ve—” He pauses for a moment and runs a hand through his tousled hair.
“What? I wasn’t good enough, is that it?”
My throat burns as I voice it out loud. I’ve never really been confident like this before. Finn was the first person I actively sought out because of how easily we connected, like we’d been friends for years.
“What? No,” he says as if his chest is about to give out. “I’m sorry, I’ve just been having a bad time over the last few days, and I’ve been ignoring my phone.”
I study him for a long moment as my forehead creases. “And you didn’t think how that might come across to me?”
Finn steps forward, green eyes lifeless and exhausted. “I’m sorry, Maya. I’ve not been thinking at all. I didn’t do it on purpose. What we did that night…fuck, it was everything to me. I didn’t want it to end, I just wanted to stay in that moment with you forever.”
“Then why didn’t I even deserve an explanation?” I whisper despite his words making my heart thrash. “The thoughts that went through my head made me feel like I was going fucking crazy, and maybe that’s because I like you too much.”
Finn’s eyes glass over with thick remorse. “Of course you deserved an explanation. You deserved better than that, and I’m sorry. I’m just a mess right now.”
I frown at the sadness in his words. “What’s going on, Finn?”
“You wouldn’t understand.” Finn’s voice crumbles.
I step towards him. “Then tell me.”
He releases a jagged breath. “I can’t.”
“Why?”
“It’s too much, Maya.”
I sigh in defeat. “Well, if you want to talk to me about it, you can. You know I’d never judge you for anything. I’ve made that very clear from the moment we met.”
When I turn around to leave, he reaches for my wrist, holding me in place. I sigh and look down to the floor, trying to ignore the way my body reacts to his touch.
“I’m not good for you,” he heaves.
