Tears continue to leak down his face as I listen to his mumbling voice.
“Finn—”
“If I knew that’s what he was going to do, I never would have done something so disgusting,” he spits as his face scrunches up.“I would have swapped places with her in a heartbeat. I almost lost her.”
His eyes find mine, searching my expression, and he crumbles again.
“I knew you’d think differently of me,” he mumbles. “I’m a bad person, Maya.”
“Hey.” I cup his cheek. “You are showing guilt, and that proves a lot. And you didn’t know he was going to do that. Like you said, you wouldn’t have done it if you knew.”
And I’m still trying to wrap my head around this because I’m in total shock.
“I shouldn’t have done it regardless. I hate myself,” he says through gritted teeth. “I hate myself more than you could possibly know, and you should hate me too. I’m not a good person.”
I hug him again because I don’t know what else to do. The sheer pain he’s projecting is clear and alive, and it’s destroying him. “She’s okay, Finn. That’s what matters.”
“That’s not the point. I?—”
“Don’t think about the what-ifs.” I shake my head. “What matters is that she’s alive.”
“She doesn’t even know.”
I frown. “Know what?”
“She doesn’t know I made up the rumour.” He drops his head to my shoulder. “She has no idea, and I don’t know how to tell her. She’s going to hate me, and I’m fearful of really losing her.”
“You need to tell her,” I whisper. “She deserves to know, and it might help you with closure, with moving on, with focusing on doing better.”
Finn’s lifeless eyes find mine. “What’s the point? I feel dead inside anyway. Sometimes I don’t even wanna be here.”
“Don’t say that.” I brush my thumb over his cheek, my eyes stinging at his declaration.
“I don’t know what to do,” he sobs. “You’re the only thing that feels right in my life. You’re sunshine, you’ve always been sunshine. Darkness had been taking over until I met you, and being with you makes me feel lighter, for the first time in years.”
“Finn—”
“That night we had together was so fucking perfect. I love being with you, but you don’t deserve this side of me. I’m so sorry for ignoring you after. I spiralled and convinced myself you’re better off without me. I am an asshole. You should hate me.”
I hold him tightly and brush my fingers through his hair. His breathing starts to slow, and when I lay him back down on the bed, I realise he’s asleep.
My heart rattles in my chest as I think through what he said and how much guilt he allows to ride on his shoulders. I take off his shoes and draw the sheets up to his chest before settling into the bed beside him, but I don’t sleep.
I watch him and digest his confession.
CHAPTER 8
FINN THOMPSON
PRESENT - 9TH OCTOBER 2025
It’s been a week since my last message to Maya. Every day I wake up and resist the urge to send more, but I don’t want to bombard her and push her further away.
I’ve been wracking my brain trying to remember slivers of that night, but I come up empty each time, which only solidifies my fears. I was an asshole, and now I’m paying the consequences.
Silas and Ronan are playing a game on PlayStation as I lounge downstairs with them, but my mind keeps wandering. I had classes early this morning and made about three words’ worth of notes. Nothing else matters to me right now than the fact I have a family.
“Your go, Finn.” Silas hands me the controller.
