I wipe my sweaty palms down my tracksuit bottoms. “Thanks, Ivy. I really appreciate you.”
“Always here. Like Mum and Dad. Don’t let yourself suffer alone if you’re struggling.” She smiles. “And I’ll be coming up to see you soon.”
My brows raise in surprise. “You are?”
“Yeah, when I come up to see JJ in a couple of weeks.”
“I can’t wait to see you,” I say wholeheartedly.
“I can’t wait to see you, too. Anyway, I’ve got to go. Thanks for telling us about Skye. Congratulations, Finn. You’re a dad.” She claps her hands together enthusiastically. “And I’m now an aunty. Ahh.”
A small laugh passes my lips at her excitement. “Yeah, it’s all a bit of a shock.”
“I’ll see you soon.”
“Bye, Ivy.”
“Would anyone else like to speak?”Garreth, our AA meeting leader, says.
I stare around at the circle of chairs and suck in a breath. My hand slowly begins to rise, and eyes filter towards me before I stand up.
“Hi, my name is Finn, and I’ve been sober for eighty days.”
Garreth smiles and nods with encouragement.
“I’ve also found out recently that I’ve become a father. She’s almost three months old, and I got to hold her for the first time today,” I say slowly. “And now the only thing I want is to make sure I stay healthy and present for her life. I don’t want her to see me in the state I used to be, and I refuse to ruin that relationship before it’s even started.”
The faces of people around me listen respectfully in silence.
“I want to be the best version of myself. It’s something my sister said to me. I missed out on a lot when I was drunk, and I don’t want to miss a second of this. So…yeah.”
Garreth claps, and the rest of the group falls in behind him. “Thank you, Finn.”
When I sit down, I clasp my shaky hands together.
“Does anyone else want to speak to the group?”
A woman who looks like she’s in her mid-forties stands, and the nerves on her face are instant. “Hi, I’m Betsy, and I’ve been sober for almost six months. Like Finn, I am also a parent, but they saw me through the depths of my alcoholism, and I destroyed that bond I have with my two kids.”
My heart strains as I listen to the pain in her voice.
“I’m working on putting things right because they deserve better,” she whimpers, her throat clenching with each word. “And I don’t want to put them through any more pain. I want to be the mother I’ve always wanted to be. I don’t want them finding me unconscious, almost drowning in my own vomit. I don’t want them asking where I got my bruises from when I ended up in a fight at the pub.”
Betsy wipes her eyes before her tears fall. “I wish I had listened to the people around me at the time. I wish I could go back and change everything, but I can’t. I can only change the future.”
Her words hit me square in the chest because what she’s expressing is exactly where I don’t want to end up. I don’t want Skye to hate me, I don’t want Maya to hate me, I don’t want them to look at me and see a sorry excuse of a father. I want to keep going and live life again.
“Thank you for sharing, Betsy,” Garreth says as she sits down. “Okay, let’s talk about recovery tools.”
I never thought I’d end up here, but I know it’s where I need to be. And I’ll keep coming until I trust myself again.
CHAPTER 15
MAYA BROOKE
PAST-27TH APRIL 2024
“Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday, dear Maya. Happy birthday to you!”
