“Lan,” I moan, jolting as he nips at my ear.
“Mhm, I hear you, Julie. You want me?”
I nod frantically. “Yes.”
“You want me to fuck you? Just like the old days? Or do you want to fuck me? Should we fight about who gets to top like we did in high school?”
I damn near growl in frustration, my head falling back to give him more of me to suck and lick. “I don’tcarewho tops; just do something!”
Landon chuckles, dragging his nose over the length of my throat.
“Okay, I’ll make you come. But first—” he grabs my chin, forcing me to look him in the eyes. His pupils are blown, his lips swollen. “Tell me you aren’t going to fuck that girl.”
“Huh?” I mutter, still heavily distracted by the sheen of spit on his bottom lip and how I can see his pulse through the skin of his throat.
“Say it, Julian. Tell me you won’t fuck her.”
Reality comes crashing down around me at a startling speed.Shit. I didn’t even drink tonight, and I almost made a huge mistake.
Fucking Landon is a horrible idea. I value our friendship, and I’ll always love him in that way, but I’m pretty sure the guy isin lovewith me; doing this to him is unfair.
I rip myself free from his grasp, panting heavily as we stare at each other. His eyes are wide, and he slowly takes a step forward, as if he’s approaching a feral animal.
“Julie? Forget it, okay? You don’t have to say anything. Just come here.” His tone is placating, as if he’ll say or do anything just to get me back in his arms.
And that breaks my heart.
“Lan,” I start, swallowing harshly. “I’m so sorry. This isn’t fair to you; you want more than I can give you, and I shouldn’t take advantage of that. Let’s just forget about it, okay?”
“W-what?” He lets loose a startled, panicked laugh. “No! I won’t forget anything. Not with you. Ilove you, Julian. I know you think that you only love me as a friend, but after all of these years, there has to—”
“I’m sorry, Landon. I really am. I wish I could be that person for you. I really do.” I shove past him, and as I yank the door open, he wraps his hand around my bicep. I feel the last bit of my heart fragment and shatter.
“Please,” he whispers, his eyes searching mine endlessly. I can see the anger and the pain in them as they shift to desperation. “I could make you, you know. I could make you fall in love with me. I won’t do it—I wouldn’t be able to stomach it. But Icould. So just…please.”
I am unsure exactly what he’s saying; he can’t force me into anything. But I know I cannot give him what he wants.
“I can’t,” I answer, just as softly as his plea, then I’m booking it into the kitchen to find Susie.
Instead, I find Cameron and Cassie in the middle of a heated argument. I only pick up the tail end, but they sound pissed.
“Are you aware of how your actions affect others?” Cameron seethes.
“Fuck you, Cam. It’s the only way, and you know it. I know you want to fix this, too,” Cassie responds.
“Yeah, but how do you know he’ll even—” Cameron’s words die off as he notices me, his bent head lifting from where they were huddled together.
Cassie turns, spotting me and covering her angry expression with a flirty smile in an instant. “Hi, handsome! You sure took your time.”
Praying that I don’t look like a guy who just got roughed up in the bathroom sexually, I give her a nod and my most convincing smile.
“Yeah, I’m not feeling too hot. I think I’ll head home. Have you seen Susie? I need to tell her I’m heading out.”
Cassie pouts, her small hand rubbing my arm. “I’m sorry, Julie. Call me, okay? We can meet up next weekend, yeah?”
“She’s in the living room,” Cameron adds, nodding his head to the right. But he won’t look directly at me anymore, his expression borderline guilty.
I have no time to dwell on their words or their actions. I am already reeling from my own secrets.
