So, I will do nothing.
In the end, there is no other option I deserve.
Julian
14
SUSIE FALLS ONTO MYbed, her back sinking into the duvet. Long, ginger hair hangs haphazardly off the edge of the mattress as she sighs, her shoes long since having been kicked to the ground.
“This place isgorgeous, Julie,” she sighs dreamily.
I smile, enjoying the sight of her lounging so comfortably in my space, just as she did during those calm years we spent growing up together.
Landon awkwardly shuffles from where he stands to my left, in front of the dresser.
After the two of them arrived, I gave my friends a tour of Chastain Castle, fortunately avoiding not only the staff but the Chastains themselves. Throughout the entire event, Landon did not speak. Even now, as we’ve come full circle to my bedroom, he does not speak.
Awkward. It’s almost as if he’s punishing me for running out on him last night, but what was I supposed to do? Let him fuck me and then remind him I’ll never be more than his best friend? Fuckhim, and then tell him I’ll never love him in the way he needs me to?
I’m just not that cruel. Not anymore.
I thought he’d be a bit more understanding, that since I’ve been gone, he would have had time to think and come to terms with the reality of our relationship. But no, it seems that instead, he’s spent the past handful of months counting down the days until he could try to persuade me again.
And while I admire his perseverance, I’ve grown exhausted by this dance. I just want my best friend back.
“Want to watch a movie or something?” I ask, attempting to lighten the room’s atmosphere that Landon’s mopey attitude keeps dragging down.
“I want to see the Pacific!” Susie responds excitedly. She sits up on my bed, a small grin shaping her lips. “You said you can go right up to the cliff in the backyard, right?”
“Yeah.” I hesitate for a brief moment.
I haven’t seen Atlas standing out there today, and he normally waits by that cliffside at least once. Will he show up while we’re there? He wouldn’t, right?
In a total act of cowardice, I’ve been avoiding Atlas. I’m not sure how to interact with him. In fact, I’m not sure how toactat all.
Last night was… fucking terrifying, for lack of better words. And if the marks on my face weren’t a stinging reminder, I think I’d let my brain convince me I dreamt it. But even now, my cheeks ache, and the memory of my bed dipping and that horrific scream plagues my consciousness like a nasty parasite.
I really, really thought I was going to die.
And why it left me to wallow in my own panic and tears after hovering over me for far too long, I’m unsure.
How am I meant to face Atlas now that I’m reassuredthat what I saw that night in his room was, in fact, not his boyfriend? When I am certain that thisthinghas infiltrated the west tower, taken him roughly, and now has its sights set on me?
Will it force me into submission as well? Will it stop hurting Atlas if I let it?
But what Ireallycan’t stop picturing is his sweet little face when he told me he liked it. When he said he enjoyed being fucked so brutally. Was he lying? Or… or does hewantthat creature?
There are so many questions filling my mind, mingling with a sick guilt that I’m reminded of every time I see his face. One that reminds me that I’ve left him to handle that thing alone this entire time.
Everyonehas.
Who else knows? I’m scared to tell anyone, to say anything. I’m scared they’ll send me away, as I’d be admitting to entering the west tower after dark. That rule was most important, and I so easily defied it.
And even worse still is that I’m not even concerned I’ll be kicked out in relation to my income or my father and I’s future. But rather, not knowing who will help Atlas once I’m gone. Because if Atticus and their parents know of thatthing, and they’re doing nothing, I’m not sure how to take that.
“Julie?” Susie presses, her concerned eyes narrowing on me.
I clear my throat. “It’s kind of cold, though.”
