“Aw, you’re so sweet!” Susie squeals. “You said you have a condition? If you’re sick, should you be out here?”
“It’s not… it’s notthatkind of condition,” Atlas answers quietly.
Susie just nods, as if she completely understands, and smiles brightly.
Atlas returns his gaze to me, but almost immediately, his eyes fall to my cheeks and where those two harsh scratches are etched into my skin. Without thinking, I raise my hand to cover one.
“Julian,” he says, and his eyes tell me he has so much he wants to tell me, to ask. But instead, he tilts his head slightly and gives me the world’s saddest, smallest smile.
Ithurts.
I find I’ve missed his presence more than I care to admit, though it’s only been so many hours since I began avoiding him completely.
How has he been? Has thatthingreturned to his room in the west tower? Is he burning up like he was that night when I bathed him?
“Hello,” Landon suddenly speaks, taking a step forward yet not reaching out to Atlas the way Susie first did. “I’m Landon.”
His tone is much less inviting, his eyes staring blankly at Atlas as he studies him from head to toe. Then, he turns those green eyes onto me, observing me with interest and a hint of what I interpret as resentment.
“Hello, Landon,” Atlas greets him. “It’s lovely to meet you.”
Landon just nods, staring him down again, almost as if he can’t believe the boy in front of him.
“Want to hang out with us?” Susie asks, her bright eyes kind as she watches Atlas.
“Oh.” He seems shocked, blinking as the wind plays with the various little brown curls that rest against his forehead. “Are… are you sure?”
“Yeah!” Susie shouts, taking a small step toward the fidgeting boy. “We don’t mind, do we, boys?”
Atlas turns his gaze onto me once more, and for a moment, time seems to stop. It is only the two of us standing on this cliffside, our eyes locked onto one another, and my breath leaving me in slow, almost lethargic exhales.
If he is waiting for some kind of encouragement—a hint of assurance that I want him to spend the afternoon with my friends and me—he will soon be disappointed.
I can’t offer him a comfortable place by my side, even as the most innocent of friends, when I know he is suffering the way heis and unwilling to allow me to help, when I am currently being forced to suffer alongside him.
And worse, I can’t allow him to occupy the space that surrounds me or willingly give him access to my every waking thought when I not only know how pretty he looks while coming undone, but how desperately he enjoys being dismantled and torn to shreds, all while knowing I do not have the honor of doing it myself.
Atlas must read this hesitance on my expression, his big eyes turning sad and lids drooping slightly. His bottom lip trembles.
The boy looks utterly and completely rejected.
“That’s alright,” he starts, turning to give Susie a small smile. “I just want to watch the waves for a bit, then I’ll be retiring for some time alone. I appreciate your kindness, though.”
Susie nods enthusiastically, and Landon continues his previous task of staring blankly at Atlas, his hands shoved into the pockets of his jacket.
We stay this way for a while longer: with Atlas watching the Pacific—I know he’s waiting for the cure-all I’ve heard him speak of, but nothing comes—and Susie, Landon, and me chatting idly. I can’t help but keep an eye on Atlas the entire time, overly aware of his presence and the calm way in which his lips are settled, his hands clasped at the small of his back.
His eyes watch hopefully, little curls continually tossed around by the breeze. I want to touch him. I want to reassure him thathehasn’t done anything wrong—that I’m not mad at him. I just can’t handle the truth and what I’m unable to do for him; I can’t handle what I want to dotohim.
After some time, Atlas gives us all a soft smile and turns from the ocean. “Have a great day. It was a pleasure meeting you both. Safe travels on your return home.”
“Have a good one, Atlas!” Susie says, still having no regard for formality. Atlas doesn’t seem to mind, only nodding as he turns toward the estate.
Landon says nothing—not until Atlas has disappeared through the back door—when he turns to me and says, “I didn’t know your type had changed.”
“Huh?” I sound, cocking my head at him in confusion.
Susie’s eyes dart between the two of us.
