He watches me for a moment, and if I didn’t know him so well, he’d be able to continue to hide successfully. But I do know him—far too well, even—so I can see it in his eyes; he’s hurting.
“I’m not mad, Julian,” he tells me. “I’m mourning a future I’ve been chasing since I was fifteen years old and you kissed me after baseball practice.”
A small, shy smile forms on my lips. “I needed a way to express my appreciation for you, and you looked really pretty.”
Landon frowns harder, something even more pained flashing through his eyes.
Wrong thing to say, dumbass,I think.
“Sorry,” I whisper.
“There were so many times that I… where I wanted to…” he seems to cut himself off, shaking his head as he blinks a few times. “It doesn’t matter now. I understand that I’ll never have you. I saw the way you looked at him; I’ve never seen you look at a man, oranyone, that way before.”
“I don’t understand.” I give a small, nervous laugh.
I know who he’s talking about, but I’m unsure what expression he’s describing. He must have seen the hungry way in which I watch Atlas—how badly I want to devour every inch of his skin; but surely this isn’t the first time he’s seen me lust after someone other than him.
Except, as Landon speaks again, it is not lust he acknowledges.
“As if you’re terrified of him. As if he could crush you at any second, and you’re helpless to it.”
I stare into those green eyes, watching the devastation unfold as he acknowledges the full reality of his words upon seeing their truth in mine.
I… what? Do I watch Atlas that way? Hashenoticed? What does it mean? Sure, I want to fuck him, and sure, I crave protecting him. But that’s it…
I mean, I’ve never even kissed the guy. We’ve hardly ever been alone together! There’s no way I…likehim, right? There’s no possible way that I’ve handed him that kind of power over my heart—my soul.
“No, I…” I don’t continue.
Landon and I stare at each other; there is so much being said in this lingering look, yet I cannot seem to form words. My mind is blank. I feel numb.
Suddenly, Lan’s head snaps to his left, and his eyes lose the deep sorrow they were holding and are replaced by an anger I do not recognize.
I follow his line of sight and find Barfred leaning against the entrance of Hall E1, his arms crossed and his right ankle hooked over his left as he watches the two of us in subtle amusement.
“Do you not have a job to do?” Landon sneers.
“Lan!” Susie chastises.
But Barfred just smirks, his cat-like eyes watching my best friend carefully and with great interest. “Have a great flight home, Lanny.”
Landon rolls his eyes, essentially baring his teeth in distaste at the cook. I’m desperate to know what happened in that short span of time to make them hate each other so much, but it’s not necessarily my business.
“Let’s go, Landon,” Susie says, giving me another smile as she grabs his arm.
Landon turns his gaze back onto mine, his eyes regaining their hint of sorrow and regret as he offers me a lopsided grin.
“Well, I’ll see you, Julie. Have fun out here.” Then he’s patting my shoulder and turning on his heel, offering Barfred one last glare as he opens the large oak doors of Chastain Castle, where their rental car is parked by the fountain.
Susie follows him, waving as she slides into the passenger seat.
I watch their taillights until they’re long gone and the dirt has settled once again, but when I turn around, Barfred has already fled back to the kitchen.
I am alone.
I watch my ceiling, the darkness of my bedroom swallowing me up as I lie over the duvet. It’s too hot to cover up, too hot to wear a t-shirt.
I’m trying to quell the twisting anxiety in my chest; the fear that any second now it’ll appear again. I’ve been lying in bed foran hour now, and the rest of Chastain Castle has long since gone to sleep.
