“Then why don’t you have my cash? This isn’t a new arrangement, Cameron. Where is your head at?”
On Atticus, on coming all over myself while he whispered filthy things in my ear. But I can’t very well say that, so instead, I duck my head and swallow my pride.
“Sorry, Mom. I’ll get it first thing—”
I don’t register it when she stands. I don’t even notice her approaching until her hand cuts off my words with a harsh slap.
“Don’t talk back to me, son,” she sneers.
“Listen to your mother,” James cuts in, standing to his feet.
Oh, shit. Idon’ttrust this guy, and my fight-or-flight is immediately triggered. Why is he standing? What does he intend to do?
As I say nothing, only staring back at him with wide, concerned eyes, he takes offense.
“Not gonna respond?” he slurs, stumbling toward us. “Sher, your boy is very d-disrespectful.”
Mom scoffs. “You’re telling me. Maybe he needs a strong man to guide him.”
Her frown turns into a nasty smile, and she gives James her puppy dog eyes, as if begging him toguideme.
And don’t get me wrong, Idocrave guidance. Protection. Safety. But whatever it is James is offering isnotthe kind of guidance I desire.
“I’m just gonna…” I back toward the door, my hand reaching blindly for the handle. To run. Because the look in this man’s eyes is terrifying, and I may be strong and muscled, but he’sunhinged-looking.
Plus, whenever I’m faced with my mother’s presence, I’m a little boy again—regressing into the small, terrified kid I was when my dad died.
“Don’t youdare,” Mom sneers.
My hand falls from the handle.
James appears in front of me, panting out Fireball breath and grinning widely. “Let’s tango, boy.”
“No, thank you,” I reply quickly. “I’ll just leave, and you guys can—”
James doesn’t likethisresponse, either. His fist crashes into my stomach, sending me doubling over. A choked groan leaves my mouth, and James laughs.
Definitely unhinged.
The next punch is delivered to my left cheek, whipping my head to the side.
“Enough,” Mom calls, extending me some rare grace. “Now get out of my sight, Cameron.”
As I lift my head, catching her turning away, some semblance of regret flashes over her features.
I don’t stick around to see how shereallyfeels; instead, I turn and rush out the door, still fighting for the breath James stole from me.
I don’t take the Toyota. There is no guarantee Mom won’t freak out on me when I return home if I do. So I walk. I walk for what feels like an hour, just barely making it past the diner where Cassie and I met Atticus a few days ago.
My cheek hurts and my stomach is cramping, but I stand under a lamppost in the foggy, fading afternoon light anyway.
I guess I won’t be making it to the gym.
And just like that, Atticus returns to my thoughts. His small smiles, guiding hands, and easy words.
“Let me show you what it feels like to surrender, sweetheart,”he had said.
As if it’s that easy to fall apart for someone. To be weak and thoughtless. And when I’m with him, surprisingly, it is. It’s so fucking easy to block out the world and let him handle everything inside of it.
