“I don’t mind,” Cameron mumbles. “I’m not… I’m not sleeping with anyone else. Are you?”
He sounds hesitant, even a little scared. But I’msoaring.
“No,” I tell him. “I’m not sleeping with anyone else.” I lift myself enough to stare into his eyes, demanding and serious. “And that’s as it should be. Don’t give yourself to anyone but me. Swear it. Say you won’t let another man fuck you, and thatyouwon’t fuck anyone else.”
Cameron stares at me with big, watery eyes and tear-stained cheeks. His face is still flushed, and his blond hair is matted to his forehead with sweat.
Finally, he says, “I swear it.”
And my lips crash into his. It’s a hungry, devouring kiss as I suck his tongue into my mouth and swallow every small, desperate noise he makes.
I swear it, too. I swear that one day, Cameron will be with me, in Chastain Castle, allmine.
Mine to protect. To guide. To control.
And nothing,no one, will stop me.
Cameron
9
A few months later
THINGS HAVE BEEN… PEACEFUL. Or as peaceful as theycanbe.
Work at the auto shop is fulfilling and takes up many hours of the day, leaving only a brief moment for my mother to chastise me before I hit the gym.
I give her money, avoid her drinking buddy James, and learn new things every day from my Uncle Danny.
And when I’m not working or working out, I’m with my friends. At Ground Central, Checkers, or sprawled out on Cassie’s living room floor playing cards.
Then, there are the moments I get with Atticus.
He’s started meeting me at that little house at least three times a week. We watch movies, order takeout, and spend far too long wrapped up in bed. There, he touches me. Holds me. Whispers perfectly filthy things into my ear as he pounds into me like he owns me. It’s wonderful.
Atticus has even met up with Cassie and me a few times—getting coffee or browsing the bookstore. In the beginning, Ireally believed something was going on between the two of them, but with how hard Atticus fucks me, I doubt he’s interested in her.
And Cassie hasn’t really mentioned being attracted to Atticus since she found out he has a girlfriend.
It’s me. I’m the girlfriend—though no one else knows it. Our relationship—though I’m not sure if I can call it that considering he hasn’t officially asked me out—is still a secret one.
Sure, I may be comfortable with our dynamic when we’re alone, but the thought of anyone else hearing of it still kind of scares me.
Because not only am I exposing myself as someone completely different from what they always envisioned me as, but IknowI’m not good enough for Atticus.
When we’re hanging out, he’ll confide information about himself without meaning to. Like how he’ll have a degree soon, and how bougie and amazing his life is.
All the while, I refuse to let him inside my house due to how shabby it is. He dropped me off once, but other than that, I keep him far away. Even if it upsets him.
I know I’m not nearly as amazing as he is, and that one day he’ll see this and leave; he has no reason to stay with some small-town lackey like me. Therefore, there’s no point in coming out when he won’t be sticking around.
But until then, I’m going to eat up every moment we have together. Like just last night, for example, when he picked me up from the gym and took me to the drive-in theater.
We sat in his BMW and watched a children’s cartoon as he ran his fingertips over my thighs, and once it was over, he told me that he’d die if I didn’t spend the night with him.
If I didn’t take my clothes off and let him touch me.
It’s so good—my time with him. Mind-numbing and safe.
