“Not sure,” I whisper, resisting the urge to turn and look over my shoulder.
It’s as if I canfeelhis gaze on my back, his eyes drilling holes into the back of my head.
But surely I’m imagining it. Atticus Chastain is only attending my party because a hot girl invited him, not because of me.
So why is my heart pounding? Why am I equal parts terrified and overwhelmingly excited?
The only thing I know for sure is that tonight is going to be far more interesting than I originally thought, and I’m unsure if his attending is making me happy or panicky.
I guess there’s only one way to find out.
Cameron
2
OUTRAGEOUSLY LOUD MUSIC THUMPS,and the bass makes the soles of my Vans shake with its force. My back is pressed against one of the living room walls of Cassie’s house, though I’d sayliving roomis far too simple a term for the space itself.
With the big stereo, chiffon couch, and massive fireplace, it screamsmoney. Or at least upper-middle class. Two steps lead you down from the front entryway and onto the red carpet, with a wet bar built into the far wall.
Hailey is sitting on the couch, laughing loudly as Kimberly talks with her hands, explaining in great detail what her last hookup was like.
Kimberly was Cassie’s best friend before I came along Freshman year of high school, but she doesn’t seem to mind our close relationship—not when she has Hailey to fall back on.
Her little brother, Michael, normally tags along when we all hang out, but he’s still in high school himself and Kim wouldn’t be caught dead drinking in front of him as a twenty-year-old.
A few other familiar faces are here, the other young adults of Port Orford, and they’re either dancing provocatively ordowning shots at the bar. A few minutes ago, Cassie disappeared into the kitchen to make sure there were still snacks on the table.
The party has reached its peak, having started two hours ago, and I’m only getting drunker the longer I stand here, dick in hand, waiting forhimto show up like a sad little puppy.
I wish we had never invited him. I wish Cassie hadn’t told me that she texted him the exact time and address, because now I’m forever frozen, anxiously awaiting his arrival.
There is something magnetic about Atticus Chastain, and it makes me sick. Sick with irritation, interest, and inadequacy.
Sick with want.
Overall, it just makes me realize I’m not the kind of person I want to be. As in, the kind of person who’d fantasize about my hot best friend or any other girl in town, but instead, one who lies in bed at night thinking about how strong and defined Atticus’s hands look.
I’m a mental freakout just waiting to happen, constantly teetering on the edge.
He’s not coming for you,I remind myself. Which means I can relax; I can enjoy this party that’s meant for me, whether or notheis.
I have no need to wait for his arrival, terrified and enthralled, because if he does show up, it’ll be to lock lips with Cassie.
“Hey, you don’t look like the main attraction of this party,” said hot best friend speaks, coming up to me as she enters from the kitchen door to my right.
“What does that mean?” I ask, taking another drink of the cocktail Hailey made me just a few minutes ago.
I’m most definitely getting drunker by the minute.
“It means you look miserable,” Cassie says, bumping my shoulder with hers. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” Avoiding her gaze, I watch Kim talk animatedly, my foot tapping to a beat that I don’t necessarily care for.
“Well, let’s brighten your mood! Look around, Cam. Any of these girls doing it for you? You act so modest, but you’re a hot commodity.”
I wouldn’t say that. Sure, I don’tlookbad—I made sure of it, working out religiously and taking care of my hair—but I’m emotionally exhausted and living with a drunk. I’m certainly not ahot commodity.
“Not really,” I tell her honestly. And even if there were, Port Orford is so small that the dating pool almost feels incestuous. Half these girls are related, and I’m not about to fuck through an entire family tree.
