But every time my hand begins to wander south, I’m overcome with too much guilt to continue.
And every time I close my eyes, attempting some semblance of sleep, I get the eerie feeling that I’m not quite alone.
A desperate wish… a sad plea.
I’m so tired of being lonely.
Atticus
12
FATHER SITS AT HISlarge mahogany desk with his Bluetooth earpiece hooked to his ear.
He’s talking to an investor from Washington, one who has invested nearly a million dollars into expanding Portline Enterprises. Not that our companyneedsexpanding, with its large roster of employees and several manufacturing locations.
“Jeremy, would you please reach out to Mr. Andrews and ask him about the New York locations’ Inventory Valuation Report?” Father asks, barely looking up from his laptop as he types away.
“Yes, sir,” Jeremy Walsh responds swiftly, grabbing his cellphone and slipping out of the room silently.
“No, New Jersey isn’t a good example. Their product margins are significantly lower than New York’s,” Father continues, speaking to the investor swiftly and efficiently.
Great Grandfather Augustus is the one who built Portline Enterprises, the company our family owns, which manufactures and sells the parts needed to build not only commercial cruise line ships, but cargo ships as well.
It has made the Chastain clan very comfortable and given the men of my family a purpose. A reason to be cut-throat and hardworking, yet notoriously kind.
I watch as my father stands and begins to pace, talking with his hands and staring at the floor as his brows pinch. If there is one thing I respect about Abraham Chastain, even more so than his dedication to his family and his empathy, it is his love for his company.
One day, I will inherit it the way he did from his father. I just thought my journey with Portline Enterprises would have started already.
Instead, every time I ask Father when I’ll begin working under him and learning the trade, he tells me the same thing.
In that same kind voice, he’ll say,“Atticus, my love, enjoy your youth while you can! Not everyone is fortunate enough to have a break between college and the real world.”
For a long while, I figured his reluctance to let me start had something to do with my brother and his curse. But even now that Atlas is free and living a peaceful life, I am still here, watching him wistfully from the leather sofa a few feet away.
Soon. Very soon, I’m sure of it.
The problem isn’t my ungratefulness; I understand that plenty of young men would jump at the opportunity of having a well-off family that allows such relaxation.
No, my issues lie with sitting idly.
You see, I have what my mother callscontrol issues. I want to have my hands on things; I want to shape them and guide them. Otherwise, I have no purpose. So sitting by while my fatherworks and I watch on is not in my nature, the way it is for my brother, and the way it might be for my sister someday.
I’d rather be working alongside one of our housekeepers than be stagnant. At least that way I could control what is made for dinner, or how the garden is planted.
“Atticus,” Father calls, turning his attention to me as he ends his call with the Washington investor.
I sit up straight, my heart thumping wildly in my chest.Is this it?!
“Yes, Father?” I breathe, undoubtedly showing my eagerness clearly.
Father only smiles gently, giving me those loving looks he reserves for his children. “Go spend time with your brother or sister. Sitting in here must be so boring for you.”
My heart stutters to a stop.Okay, not today, then.
“I’m fine,” I insist. “I’m listening to you and learning. I have to prepare myself.”
“Atticus,” Father sighs. “None of this. I already told you that I would prepare you when the time comes. You will learn nothing from listening to a one-sided conversation. Now, go. Enjoy your day.”
