Up until I didn’t, when I undermined him and made him feel as worthless as he soon after mademefeel.
So, I get out of the shower, doing my best to run from the memories. But as I lie in bed, I can’t seem to hide. Not when I know that tomorrow I’ll be faced with his presence again.
I’ll spend the entire night smiling blankly and keeping a very close eye on Cassie. Some part of me hopes Atticus will stay in his bedroom just to avoid us. That way, Cas won’t get the chance to weasel her way under his skin.
But it’s his brother’s birthday, so I doubt he’ll do that.
What will I do when I see him? Will we speak? Will it shatter me when he turns his nose up and glares in my direction?
Probably. I’ll be leaving Chastain Castle in shambles, barely able to keep hold of my sanity.
I miss him. I miss the simplicity of being with him, of how mind-numbingly happy it made me. How he protected me from myself and the outside world.
And as I lay in bed, mourning the loss of whatIdefinitely thought was worth my time, the fear that he’ll hate me even more for showing up settles deep into my soul.
If I could message him, if I wasn’t blocked, I’d ask for permission. But I can’t, and I told Julian I’d come. Ihaveto go, if only to keep my eye on Cassie.
I groan in the silent room, terrified of what cocktail of punishment tomorrow will bring.
I should ask Cas what her intentions are. If she says she’s only going to meet Atlas officially, or to apologize to Julian, maybe I can skip going… maybe I can relax.
Snatching my phone from the nightstand, I press her contact and dial her number.
“Hey, Cam,” she greets brightly.
“Hey, sorry to bother you at night.”
“No biggie, I wasn’t sleeping. I’m picking out my outfit for tomorrow,” she tells me. “What do you think? Slutty red dress or jean mini skirt?”
I have a feeling she isnotgoing just to apologize.
“Um, Cas, what… why are you going?” I ask hesitantly.
“What do you mean? I was invited.”
“I know.” I sigh. “It’s just… what’s the plan? Are you going to apologize to Julian?”
Hope blossoms in my chest as I wait for her to respond, to sayyes.
“Cam,” she answers softly. “Iamgoing to apologize. But not to Julian.”
“So, to… to…” I can’t seem to get his name out.
“Yeah, to Atticus. I need him to know it was a misunderstanding, that I wasn’t badmouthing him.” Cassie sounds breathless, desperate.
“Why are you so insistent on gaining his approval?” I demand, suddenly irritated. It’s not like they were lovers… he was just herfriend, and only barely.
Only because of me.
Cassie huffs, saying, “You know I like him. That I’vealwaysliked him. I mean, I haven’t even dated since that day.”
“But you weren’t even involved with him like that,” I mumble. “He was seeing someone. And it’s beenyears.”
I’m being hypocritical, I know. I just can’t help it. Cassie acts like she has a claim on Atticus, like there was something more there.
“Cameron,” she interjects harshly. “Why are you… You’re not interested in him, are you?”
“W-what?” I spit out in shock.
