But I say nothing. Not because he ordered it, but because I want his answer.
“I just… I didn’t want to tell you like that.”
“Tell me what?” I ask. I’m pretty sure I know exactly what he’s talking about, but I’m desperate to hear it again.
“That I love you,” he murmurs, staring at my throat as he traces patterns against it with his fingertips. “That I want you to come home with me.”
“Nate…” I whisper, covering his fingers with my own.
“Being coerced into admitting it was fucked up,” he adds. “But more than that, I wanted it to be sweet or something. Something that would make you happy.”
Nate is not a romantic, but I appreciate the sentiment anyway.
“I don’t need sweet. We’ve never done sweet. I’m more than happy just knowing you want me there. That you love me.”
He finally meets my eyes, searching them for something. “You really want to come home with me?”
“Want me to have Uncle Benji coerce the answer out of me?” I joke.
It doesn’t land. Nate glares at me, pulling me tighter against him.
“You’re a fucking brat,” he sneers.
“I know.” We watch each other for a moment longer before I add, “But I do. I do want to come home.”
A wide, satisfied grin settles over Nate’s features, and he leans in to kiss me. It’s soft and reverent, something so foreign to us that it takes me a moment to kiss him back. But as I do, he groans, low and deep.
“And… I… I love you too,” I murmur, speaking it against his lips.
I feel his breath hitch, his body stiffening briefly before relaxing completely.
“That’s good, babydoll,” he answers, just as quietly. “Everything will be fine now. You’ll heal from all of this, and I’ll help you do it.”
He’s already helping me. Between the stars that send me to sleep and his arms that keep me safe, I am healing steadily and without fear. We may not be in Port Orford, but I’m already home. As long as I’m with Nate, I’ll always be home.
A place where the darkness recedes, and I know that even if I’m hard-wired differently, I’m not broken.
And it occurs to me that just like Atlas and Julian, and Cameron and Atticus, we get our happy ending. Between the secrets and spite, after all we’ve both endured, we genuinely have each other.
I think I’m going to love this devastating defeat of mine.
I can’t believe I ever thought I could win against all that is Nathaniel Barfred.
Nathaniel
26
“AND WHAT WILL YOUdo for work, honey?” Landon’s mom asks, her voice a little muffled through their FaceTime call as if she’s covering the speaker with her thumb.
“Uh, nothing for now,” Landon replies, and I catch the weariness in his voice as he unpacks his last box, breaking it down and setting it by the front door.
I watch from where I’m lounging on the couch, my eyes tracing his every movement. And not just because he looks fucking dashing in those low-hanging sweatpants of his, but because giving his family a house tour seems to have him on edge.
“You’re never going to put that degree to good use, are you?” his dad jokes, and I trace the blush that spreads from his cheeks, down his throat, and onto the smooth planes of his exposed chest.
Landon doesn’t answer right away. Instead, he stands perfectly still before the front door and stares blankly ahead. His brain is doing that thing again—the one in which one singular thought spirals him into a self-degrading hole of misery.
“He’ll use it if he wants,” I interject, loud enough to be heard but calm enough to leave no room for argument. “For now, he’s taken care of. It’s not an issue.”
