“Landon,” he says firmly, rubbing his fingertips through my hair and dragging it from my forehead. “You’ve endured so much. I can’t even imagine how cruel this new reality must feel. I see that, and I seeyou. But listen to what I’m about to say, alright? Listen andfeelit.”
He waits, as if needing my acknowledgement to continue, so I nod, eyes wide and heart thundering.
Then, he says, “You are not shouldering this alone. Every day, for the rest of our lives, I will take half of the pain you carry and wear it as my own. I will shoulder the grief of what you’ve lost and the imbalance in your brain, and I will consider the task a privilege. Want to know why?”
My breath is caught in my throat, so as I reply, “Why?” it sounds shattered and a million miles away.
“Because it meansyou’rewith me. Because that pain? It leads me back to you.”
His fingers rub at my skin, his body so warm and safe against mine. Nate is offering me a lifetime of never being alone again, right here on a silver platter. And I… I feel solucky.
In the midst of his own anger and his own trauma, he is choosing to bear mine as well. One day, though I don’t know when, Nate woke up and chose me. Over all of his beliefs and all of his morals, he choseme.
We are two vicious, lonely men who were too restless to breathe easily. We watched the world pass by, experiencing everyone else’s happy endings while anticipating an end that didn’t offer usours.
But not anymore. Because now, my pain leads him back to me, and his anger brings me to him.
The things that trouble us the most have become our anchor, a life raft. And I wouldn’t trade that for anything. Not coercion, and not a brain that functions properly.
I’d rather be a vicious beast withhim, covered in starlight and primed for a fight. I’d rather that than any illusion of peace I could be gifted.
And isn’t that a wonderful revelation?
Landon
28
Epilogue
I’M PACING. I WALKfrom one end of Atlas’s bed to the other, my hands clasped firmly to my hips as I frown.
“You’re not making any sense, Lan,” Julian says softly from where he’s lying out over the foot of the mattress, his eyes tracking my every movement.
“Ugh, I can’t explaineverything. Just… he’s being weird!” I’m panicking; that much is obvious.
“Hasn’t it already been a year since you moved here?” Atlas asks. “Maybe the honeymoon phase is over; that’s all.”
But he’s wrong. Nate and I neverhada honeymoon phase. From the very beginning, we have been at each other’s throats and causing issues. It’s how we work—how we operate.
And yet, lately… Nate has been different. Well, actually, for the past six months he’s been different.
I know he wants to remove himself fully from EP, that disgusting organization that claimed they were taking out badguys and not torturing innocent men like me. But does it actually takesix monthsto quit?
Does removing himself from their databases require that he fly to California more thanIdo to see my family? I don’t think so.
Between his flights and his newly distant, withdrawn personality, I feel like I don’t know him. That I’m now sharing a bed with a stranger. Well, when Igetto share a bed with him, and he’s not in another state staying at a hotel.
And the worst part? I can’t even coerce him. A part of me is screaming, demanding I question him as he’s hurt me before. But what good is questioning someone when they can easily lie?
Aren’t these all signs of cheating? What happened to choosing me, to shouldering my burdens? I haven’t felt this alone in a while, and it’s suffocating me.
But I also can’t give my friends an explanation worth anything, as no one knows about Nate and me. They don’t know about our gifts.
“I think he’s cheating,” I offer, my voice quiet as I finally stop pacing.
“What?!”Julian screeches. “It’s not possible. Isawthat man’s face when I set you two back up. He’s definitely in love with you.”
“Then how do you explain his disappearing act? Why are all of our conversations one-sided?”
