No one, and I meanno one, has ever taken my affection as a curse. As a punishment.
I’m determined to show him how wrong he is—how Iamthe love of his life, as he’s always been mine.
Between escaping my overbearing family by living in mine and Susie’s little condo and finally getting Julian back in mere minutes, I’m living the high life. Literally nothing could bring me down.
Well, nothing but the devastating sadness that lives inside of me. The therapist my parents assigned to me when I was seventeen, demanding we get to the root of my moping, said I have depression.
I think she was right. It’s a living, breathing thing inside of me that I’ve gotten pretty good at acclimating to. A heavy knot sits in my chest almost constantly, winding tighter and tighter as the day progresses and starting again the very next morning.
But now, instead of drowning in it as I did before, it’s become an extension of me. I’musedto feeling misery for no damn good reason—I can’t be perfect.
I think I was given this chemical imbalance to offset my gift and my natural charm.Somethinghad to be wrong with me, right?
And as long as there is nothing for my depression to latch on to—some horrible incident or devastating event—then I’m okay with the sad ache I stomach every day.
As long as it doesn’t getthatbad again, where I can’t move for days under the crushing weight of its negativity, I’m completely fine not taking meds or seeing a counselor every week.
I am totally and completely normal.
“We’re here. I just messaged Jules,” Susie suddenly speaks, interrupting my own lingering thoughts.
We’re in a neighborhood, having been directed by our map after getting an address from Julian, and the streets on either side of the road are packed with a handful of cars.
I can hear the music from inside the house to our left, lights flashing from beyond the windows. And as I’m trying to peer through one of those windows, the front door opens, and out steps Julian Walsh.
In his blue jeans with his brown hair ruffled, Julian breathes in the cold late December air like a living, walking wet dream. His eyes sparkle even from this distance as we get out of the car; a wide grin shapes his lips as Susie runs up the concrete pathway to throw herself into his arms.
I’ve seen this sight a million times, but it never gets old. I love the way people adore Julie; it’s almost impossible not to. As longas that like doesn’t turn intoattraction, it makes my heart so happy to see him getting the affection he deserves.
“Julie!” Susie screeches, her voice bouncing off the pavement and launching itself against the streetlights.
“Hey, Susie. I missed you, too.” Julian laughs, wrapping his arms around the eager girl.
“Ugh, I thought I’d never see you again.”
Julian rolls his eyes. “You’re being dramatic as shit.”
“At leastpretendyou’ve been dying to see me!” she complains, her feet hitting the concrete as she slides off his body.
And I love it—the scene playing out before me—but I’m growing quite irritated that none of his attention has landed onmeyet. What, I don’t exist?
“Can I get some of this reuniting love, too?” I ask, coming up behind Susie with a small smile covering my slight jealousy.
And Julianglows. The smile he was once sporting turns into a full-blown grin, his big, puppy-dog eyes turning awe-filled and sparkly.
Oh, yeah. He’s definitely missed me.
“Come here,” he tells me, and I don’t need to be told twice before I’ve shoved into his arms, rubbing my chest against his.
God, he feels so familiar. So safe and warm.
It drives me crazy that Julian is as built and sturdy as I am. It means I can’t break him—it means he’sreal.
“Aww,” Susie coos from somewhere behind us. Aw isright.
I press my cheek to Julian’s, surprised to find his skin smooth and hairless as I breathe in the spicy scent of him.
“I’ve missed you,” I whisper into his ear, feeling the goosebumps rise on his skin.
