I pushed too hard. I got greedy listening to the sound of his moans, feeling his body pressed to mine. I can’t help it; I’ve always gotten what I want.
This is driving me crazy.
Julian’s eyes sober, panting heavily as he rips from my hold and takes a few steps backward.
Fuck. I can see the fear, the panic in his gaze. He’s backing out—running from me once again.
“Julie?” I placate, taking a hesitant step forward. “Forget it, okay? You don’t have to say anything. Just come here.”
To be fair, I absolutelydoneed him to agree to not fucking someone else. But it can wait. It cansowait. I just need him back in my arms, where he belongs, right this second, or I might freak out.
“Lan,” Julian starts, swallowing roughly. “I’m so sorry. This isn’t fair to you; you want more than I can give you, and I shouldn’t take advantage of that. Let’s just forget about it, okay?”
You want more than I can give you.
… What? He’s all but… all but saying he doesn’t love me.
I’m going to throw up.
“W-what?” I let loose a startled, panicked laugh. “No! I won’t forget anything. Not with you. Ilove you, Julian. I know you think that you only love me as a friend, but after all of these years, there has to—”
“I’m sorry, Landon. I really am. I wish I could be that person for you. I really do.” Julian shoves past me, yanking the door open. But no, I can’t let things stop here. I won’t; I refuse.
His bicep is in my grip within seconds, my heart sinking so quickly I’m dizzy with it.
“Please,” I hear myself whisper. I have never been made to beg before. I’m not sure how to handle it. “I could make you, you know. I could make you fall in love with me. I won’t do it—I wouldn’t be able to stomach it. But Icould. So just…please.”
I’m not sure why I’m admitting this; why I’m alluding to a gift he knows nothing about—that hecan’tknow anything about. But I’m desperate; I need him to understand what he’s giving up, and how, if I were even slightly less of a man, I’d get what I want, whether he truly likes it or not.
“I can’t,” Julian tells me, soft and sad.
Then he’s gone.
And in his absence, I feel the darkness creep in. With each panting breath that leaves me, I inhale more of that devastating misery that I’ve grown so comfortable existing with.
Only this time, it’s not a pain I can stomach.
Nathaniel
2
I’M IN THE KITCHEN,cleaning up from breakfast as Theodora walks in.
“Lady Theodora,” I greet, wiping my hands on a rag as I turn to face her.
“Barfred,” she says gently, smiling the way she always does. Soft and unguarded, as if nothing in this world could ever touch her. “How are you this morning?”
“I’m well, ma’am. How are you?”
“Just fine.” She rests her palms on the island between us gracefully. “I’ve come to tell you that Julian will have his friends joining him today. We’re going to try and give him some space.”
“His… his friends?” I ask.
We are prohibited from bringing guests into Chastain Castle, especially since Atlas started dealing with his curse.
I can still remember the morning after his eighteenth birthday, when the young boy came running from his bedroom in tears.
Dealing with his demon—an incubus, more specifically—became a burden that the entire estate had to shoulder. A secretwe’ve all kept. And now our new attendee is bringing his… friends? Straight into the fray?
