“It’s alright now, sweetheart.” Mom pats my cheek, smiling brightly.
We were never a touchy family or a super interactive one, if I’m honest, but it’s nice to have them now. It’s nice to see theyknowhow to show affection, even if they hardly ever bother to.
“Well, this is getting boring. I’m off. Glad you’re safe, Lan.” And with that, Scarlet disappears.
Dad sighs. “Just stay in Cali, would you? We can push your start date at Ocean View back a bit, but I don’t want you getting snatched up again.”
I don’t mention that it was in California where I wassnatched up, and instead take the silent win of pushing off the corporate life.
“Alright. Thanks, Dad.”
He gives me a strained smile before following my sister, leaving Mom and me alone.
“How are you really?” she asks, her voice quiet and gentle.
“What do you mean? I’m fine.”
“Lan, you fell in love with the enemy. You’re not—”
“Fell in love?” I nearly screech. “I didnotfall in love! I just liked him. I liked how he made me feel.”
Mom gives me a look, one that says I’m delusional. “I know love when I see it, and you’re clearly struggling. You’re probably suffocating under how heavy this betrayal is.”
“Why do I feel like this isn’t astay-away-from-himtalk?” I tease, giving her a fake glare.
She laughs, petting my cheek once more. “This is most definitely astay-away-from-himtalk, honey. I just… It’s okay; you know that, right? To love him even if he hurt you? To love in general, even if you’re… different?”
She means my depression. She’s talking about how there is no cure other than mind-numbing medicine or death.
“Yeah,” I mumble, looking away from her and out my bedroom window. “Sure it is.”
But it really isn’t. What I learned through my time with Nate is that no matter how genuine a man feels, there is always a secret hidden. There is always something they crave more than you: power, justice, freedom.
And what I’ve learned from the sorrow that is drowning me now is that relying on someone else to save you is the worst form of self-harm a person can inflict.
“I love you, Lan. And I’m sorry we didn’t protect you. I’m sorry you had to endure this,” Mom says quietly.
“You didn’t know what was happening,” I assure her. “I was lying, and you guys were in the dark.”
She says nothing further, only giving me a quick kiss on the cheek, a soft smile, and then following after the rest of my family.
Which leaves me alone: to my thoughts, my feelings, and all the memories I have of being with Nate and feelingfree. Feeling powerful.
And now being completely and utterly empty.
Susie wasn’t happy when I told her I’d be staying at my parents’ for a while. She insisted that I tell her what happened,why I’ve disappeared again, but I can’t. I can’t admit to being fooled that way. To having a gift and then having it ripped away.
But the one thing shedidsay that I agree with is that I should call Julian. He’s worried about me, as he always is, and even though he’s betrayed me, Nate was right.
I need to make amends—even if there was never a fight to fall out of.
I lay in bed, watching the stars light up the night sky through my window as I bring the ringing phone to my ear. It’s now or never, I suppose.
And if I can’t have love—if I’m destined to always be on the outside looking in—then I might as well have Julian back in my life as I observe.
In the absence of the light Nate brought me, I can at least have company.
“Lan?” Julian sounds surprised, anxious even as he answers my call.
