My mother pulled my face to hers, pressing her lips against my forehead, and a single tear slipped free as I closed my eyes. “Take the leap, flower,” she whispered against my skin. “You have all of us here to catch you when you do.”
Chapter 17
MORRIGAN
The lotus tea helped as much as Tristan promised that it would.
Though, the sleep came with some wildly vivid dreams. They felt so incredibly real. Sometimes, I would be back at the masquerade with Dez and Lyra. Others, I would be in bed with Kaiden, I hadn’t felt this rested in far too long.
Tristan, on the other hand, looked like he hadn’t slept in days. I tried not to bring up the episode of his I experienced, hoping he’d come to me to explain soon. When I tried asking if he was alright one morning, he barely gave me a response. A disgruntled “I’m fine” is all he graced me with before exiting the dining hall andreturning to his solitude.
I hadn’t really seen him for a solid three or four days until one morning, he all but shot up from his seat after breakfast and gestured for me to follow him. “Training starts today,” he said in a clipped tone that didn’t seem to suit him very well.
It was hard to hide my excitement, though, as I followed him out into the garden. I couldn’t help it. The thought of being able tocontrolthe fire in me and bend it to my will? It was like something out of a fairytale. I’d be able to impress Lyra once I returned. Maybe, one day, I could even behalfas good as she is.
“Before we get into your fire, I’m teaching you to occlude.” He stood stiffly amongst the daisies, gently tilting his head until his neck let out a small crack. “We’re going to practice having you block me from your mind.”
My hands jittered at my sides. “Okay,” I said excitedly. “What do I do first?”
“Sit.”
We both lowered to the ground, and Tristan moved into a more comfortable position. Naturally, I followed his lead, crossing my legs and feeling thankful that I had rid myself of that gown. The shirt and pants Tristan provided me were far more comfortable than those damned dresses.Though, they werereallypretty.
"This will likely not work the first time around.” Tristan quickly interrupted my wandering thoughts. “But as you practice, it will get easier.” Then, he muttered under his breath, “Please, let it get fucking easier.”
I had almost asked him what he meant by that, but I felt a sudden rush in my head that almost knocked me onto my back. Sucking in a sharp breath, I felt the sensation of something invading my head. “What…” I groaned, pinching my face. “What are you…”
“This is a gift that only my father had the ability to do. He could invade a person’s mind… See their secrets.”
It was as if someone had begun poking and prodding against my skull. My fingers shot to my temples like I could drag him out with my bare hands. “I’ve… never heard of… Ryuk having this… ability.”
“Everyone has their secrets, Morrigan. The priests. The gods. Thelords. It’s in our nature. If we shared every part of ourselves, there’d be nothing left to leverage.”
He pushed further until an image flashed before my eyes against my will. It was me as a child, sneaking into my study room to steal a book while Maeryn slept. I saw it so vividly, like it was happening right in front of me.
“What areyoursecrets, Morrigan?” he asked, but his voice lowered to a haunting whisper.
Another image flashed, this time of Guinevere sneaking one of her sweet donuts into the attic after Maeryn had ordered me to go to bed without supper. All of these tiny memories were played before me until, suddenly, he yanked himself free, and I had to catch myself with my elbows as I fell backward.
Tristan leaned over and helped me sit back up before examining my face for any signs of pain. “Are you okay?” he asked with genuine concern in his voice. “I didn’t mean to push you so hard. That was…” He sighed in frustration. “I shouldn’t have done that.”
I brushed away his touch nervously and sat up straight. “That was… crazy,” I panted. I could only imagine how this could be used against people. Howscaryit could be. “How am I supposed to stop that?”
“By building mental walls. Strong walls. You’ve done it before, though I don’t think you realized that you did it. That night, when Eris tried to compel you, you were so angry with all of them, and your emotions were so high. You blocked the coercion.” He sat up straighter, like he was fixing himself to go again. “I’m, of course, a lot stronger than they are. So, it will be a little harder to block me out. But, what better way to strengthen your shield?”
A tiny smile tugged at the corners of his lips, and I had to stop myself from thinking about how beautiful it looked.Gods, Morrigan. What is wrong with you?
“Shall we go again?” he asked.
I nodded, shimmying my shoulders as I tried to mentally prepare.
“Imagine, as I’m sifting through your memories, that I’m picking apart the books on your shelves. When you feel that prodding, try your best to close the book that I’m trying to open.”
“Have you done this before?” I asked him, closing my eyes. “Teach someone how to block out this kind of thing?”
Tristan laughed. “Oh, no. I actually have no idea what I’m doing.”
I was about to respond in protest, when I felt the sharp rush again and forced myself to concentrate through the odd sensation.Books.Library. Shelves.No matter how hard I tried to envision it, all I felt was the push of his power, like claws scraping against the walls of my mind.Books… Library…
